The Worst Year Yet
by rekahneko
Summary: Remus Lupin is advised not to get too close to any of the other students at Hogwarts so they won't discover his condition. Perhaps this wasn't the best advice after all... Eventual RLSB. SLASH
1. First Year

**Warnings:** Slash, eventual RLSB

**Disclaimers:** Don't own it.

**Notes**: Thanks to the Betas of Doom – Rry, Sibbie, and Oony.

ooooooooooooooo

**The Worst Year Yet**

**By Rekahneko**

**Chapter 1 - First Year**

ooooooooooooooo

"Okay honey, it's time for us to leave. We'll see you at Christmas. Just remember we love you! And don't forget to owl at least once a week." Hugs were exchanged, the mother and son clinging to each other while the father patted the son's head slightly awkwardly.

Remus rapidly blinked his eyes as he avoided looking at his parents' retreating backs. He was eleven years old, much too old to cry, at least in public. After all, this is what he had been looking forward to for the last month, ever since he had gotten his letter. He was finally going to Hogwarts! It shouldn't have even been possible for a boy like him, but the new headmaster was liberal and open-minded and had made special accommodations. Remus would have to be very careful, but in return, he would get the finest education in the world and have a better future than any other lycanthrope in Britain.

It would be a bit lonely without his parents, but he had his books, and Remus supposed that would be enough. The multitude of people in the station around him was a bit disconcerting to say the least. He was used to being by himself, and because of his condition, he rarely socialized. In fact, though he was going to school and would be surrounded by children his age for the first time since the life altering bite, his parents had actively discouraged him from associating too closely with the other students.

'They won't guess if they don't get close' was the mantra of the elder Lupins. Remus knew that his education was entirely dependant on the other students not discovering his secret so he agreed with his parents and was ready to distance himself from the other students (though of course being very courteous, he added absentmindedly, such rudimentary manners already ingrained into him).

Remus gathered his courage and his trunk and made his way onto the train. As he carefully maneuvered his baggage through the corridor, he peered into each compartment, hoping to find a nice empty spot or at least somewhere filled with some quiet, studious looking children. The best he could find was a compartment with a slightly pudgy, young, and very anxious looking boy.

"May I please sit here?" Remus asked politely.

"Okay," the boy replied, peering up at him nervously from the seat closest to the window. After dubiously considering the height of the overhead racks, Remus put his trunk under the seat and sat down opposite the boy.

"My name is Remus Lupin," he submitted.

The worried looking boy wiped his sweaty hands on his pants and tentatively shook the hand that Remus had offered. "I'm Peter Pettigrew," he mumbled awkwardly.

Remus gave him a small smile and, remembering his parents' words, buried his nose into the book he had brought with him, saying nothing more.

Three chapters later, Remus was startled out of the manuscript by two boys bursting into the compartment, breathing heavily and snorting with laughter. They promptly threw themselves down on the seats, only afterwards asking, "Hey, can we sit here?"

Remus looked at Peter's wide eyes and nervously twitching hands and nodded to the two newcomers.

The two launched into a tale involving a flatulence curse and someone they didn't know the name of but whom they had dubbed 'the greasy haired git.' It all sounded terribly exciting but Remus reminded himself not to look too interested. Polite and standoffish was what he was aiming for. Peter, on the other hand, laughed through the entire story. Even during the parts that Remus didn't think were supposed to be funny.

After the long, rambling story, the two finally got around to introducing themselves as Sirius Black and James Potter. Peter squeaked out his name in return and Remus formally introduced himself. Then Remus picked up his book and continued reading, hoping that he had somehow achieved the correct balance of politeness and disinterest.

"So, Lupin, what are you reading?" Sirius peered over inquisitively, wondering what kind of book would be more exciting than meeting new people on your first day at school.

"Physical Principles of Magical Cartography: Implications and Influences on the Muggle World."

"Oh. Right. Okay." Sirius looked at him rather strangely.

Several times, one of the three boys would ask Remus a question, trying to draw him into the discussion. Each time he would answer politely and then continue reading his book. It was more difficult than he imagined, turning away from what looked like an enjoyable time with boys his age, but he agreed with his parents that it was important.

Finally Sirius had enough. "Lupin, what is so bloody interesting about that book that makes it more important than talking to me?"

Remus looked up to find Sirius glaring at him. This wasn't at all the reaction he had been going for. "Umm, well…" He had no answer for the black haired boy.

Thankfully, the compartment door opened and an older girl poked her head in. "Ten minutes until we arrive. You should change into your robes." She looked at them carefully. "First years?" The four boys nodded. "Well, be on the lookout for a very large man named Hagrid who will meet you at the platform. He'll take you where you need to go."

With that, Sirius forgot to finish pestering his bookish companion and instead started digging through his trunk. Remus had carefully placed his robes on the very top of his trunk and so he was ready long before the other three boys. He slipped his robes over his clothes. Probably the clothes would make him too warm, but there was no way he would change in front of other people in case they noticed his tell tale scar.

As they disembarked, the four boys got separated in the crowd of excited students and bulky trunks. Following the sound of a booming voice calling, "First Years, follow me," Remus made his way to the boats. He caught sight of two of the boys from the train ride. Black saw him, whispered something to his friend, and steered them away from Remus.

Remus picked up a last comment as the boys headed off to a different boat. "Don't worry about it, Sirius. He'll probably be sorted into Ravenclaw and you'll never see him outside the library again."

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The first year Gryffindor dorm room was a whirlwind of activity as two black haired boys rushed around, looking for various pieces of clothing to wear outside in the autumn weather. The third occupant of the room was paying absolutely no attention, completely engrossed in a thick novel.

"Sirius, have you seen my Gryffindor scarf? I got it last week and I think it's lost already."

"Just leave it, come on! We don't want to be late." Sirius had been trying without much success to usher his best friend out the door in a timely fashion.

"Everyone is going outside to watch the Quidditch game. Are you coming, Lupin? It's Hufflepuff versus Gryffindor today!" James looked at the blond boy inquiringly.

"No, thank you."

"Why not?" Sirius sounded very annoyed even though he hadn't been the one to encourage Remus to go outside in the first place.

"I really want to finish this book."

"That's so stupid."

Remus looked up at his roommate, just now realizing that he had, once again, managed to make the boy angry at him. Remus had no idea why Sirius Black was always getting annoyed; as far as he could tell, it came from out of nowhere.

"Well, I don't really like quidditch and this novel is quite engrossing," he tried to explain.

His roommate was having none of it. "We're not good enough for you then, Lupin? Fine. See if we ever invite you anywhere again." He stomped out the door, James shrugging and following.

"Imagine, preferring the company of books to us. To me!" Sirius huffed indignantly as he stormed down the stairs. "I mean, I'm a Black for goodness sake! Lupin is so stuck up."

ooooooooooooooo

Dear Mum and Dad,

Thanks for the package yesterday. It really cheered me up. I ate all the chocolates right away so that my pesky roommates wouldn't mess with them. Sometimes they poke around in my trunk when I'm not around which really drives me nuts. It is still better than when they make fun of me in front of the other students like they did last week, though. I don't even know what swotty means so I certainly can't be swotty, right? I looked it up in the dictionary but it wasn't in there. When I told that to Black and Potter (the two boys with black hair who are so obnoxious), they made fun of me even more. I hate it when people laugh at me and that Pettigrew kid (the nervous one) laughs at everything they say, even if it isn't a joke.

Getting along with kids my age is a lot harder than you made it seem like it would be. School would certainly be a lot more fun if it didn't have any students in it. Frank Longbottom is all right, I guess. Remember I told you about him? He is the tall skinny one with the cousins in Hufflepuff. He isn't around much though since he is always hanging out with them. I wish I had a cousin. It seems like a lot of people here had friends before they even arrived at school like Black and Potter. But it is okay, it's not like I need friends or anything; there are enough books in the library here for an eternity of reading!

To reply to your question, no one has even asked where I was off to yet and so I don't think it will be much of a problem. I just keep my curtains on my bed closed much of the time and they never know if I'm in the room or not. Don't worry. And since there are individual stalls, I just change in the shower room so no one has seen my scar or anything. Yes, Madame Pomfrey has been very kind and helpful with everything. Though her potions don't taste as nice as yours do, Mum, especially the pain relief one – yuck! Perhaps you could send her your recipe?

I miss home a lot and wish I could see you both sooner than Christmas holiday. Anyhow, I hope everything is okay at home and don't forget to feed Snuffles. But don't feed him any asparagus or poppy seed dressing. You know how he gets.

Love, Remus

ooooooooooooooo

"Can you guys keep it down? I'm trying to get some homework done."

"Didn't you get it all done during the ten hours you spent in the library today? What do you do in there anyway if you aren't doing homework?"

"Read?"

"Don't you read enough already? How nerdy are you, anyhow?"

Remus didn't reply. Instead he just pulled his curtains closed all the way, hoping they would muffle all the noise a bit so he could concentrate better. He hated having roommates and missed his comfortable and very quiet room at home.

"What a snobbish prat," Sirius muttered, knowing he spoke loud enough to carry to the person in question.

"I wish he had been sorted into Ravenclaw...Or Slytherin," Sirius obviously felt that saying someone should be in Slytherin was one of the worst insults around.

"Me too," Remus whispered to himself, wishing desperately that he had been able to force the hat into placing him in Ravenclaw. He himself didn't see what was so bad about Slytherin; it was probably better than Gryffindor when it came to first year boys. Remus sighed.

"Come on, let's go down to the common room and leave the geek alone." Sirius' voice echoed clearly across the dorm, making Remus grit his teeth behind the closed curtains. At least they were gone and he could finally get some peace and quiet.

ooooooooooooooo

"Hey you guys! Guess what I just got?"

"What? A headache?"

"No, Peter." Sirius huffed noisily at the pudgy boy. He turned to James and continued. "Anyhow, I got some dungbombs from one of the older students. Apparently there is a joke shop in Hogsmeade and you can just go in and buy all sorts of things like that!"

"Wow! What are we going to do with them?"

"Well, I already threw one in the bag of some Slytherin, but I think we should try and come up with something cleverer. Oh, and I have a detention next week, can you help me remember?"

James laughed. "You're so cool, Sirius!"

"I know," Sirius said, smugly.

Just then, Remus came out of the bathroom and as the other three watched silently, he gathered his things for class and left the room.

"I have an idea," said Sirius, grinning.

ooooooooooooooo

Later that day, as Remus returned to the dorm room, he noticed it was strangely silent. Longbottom was out, as usual, but the other three were busy doing who knows what, and doing it quietly. This worried Remus for some odd reason.

He walked through the room nervously, opened the curtains around his bed and put his things down. As he pulled his robes off from over his clothes, Remus wondered if he was just easily worried. The three boys had a lot of energy, true, but they had to be quiet at some point in time, and perhaps this was the time.

Carefully folding his school robe, he looked around once more. Sure enough, his roommates were all still busy reading or writing quietly. Perhaps they were actually doing their homework for once.

He shrugged to himself and went to go put his robes away in his trunk. That is when it happened. As he opened the trunk, it exploded outward with the most horrendous smell, surprising Remus into falling backwards onto the floor. Dungbombs. Laughter erupted from the rest of the room as the three boys watched Remus' expression turn to one of disgust.

After a moment spent considering things like death, destruction, and whether or not anyone would care if three of his roommates suddenly went missing, Remus merely said, "You realize we all share the room, right? And now it smells like Dungbombs."

Remus didn't spare a glance backwards as he picked himself up, retrieved his clothes, and left for the shower room, trying to shut out the laughter of the other boys. He was sure if he stayed in the room a moment longer, he would say something he would regret. Remus had been trying so hard to be as polite as possible and at the same time to avoid the three boys, but so far, it hadn't helped at all. At least there was the library.

ooooooooooooooo

**Next Time:**

"_Oh, ha, ha. You three are so amusing," Remus said from somewhere underneath his robes._


	2. Second Year

**Warnings:** Slash, eventual RLSB

**Disclaimers:** Don't own it.

ooooooooooooooo

**The Worst Year Yet**

**By Rekahneko**

**Chapter 2 – Second Year**

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"Okay, so here is my idea, guys. It is brilliant, just like me." Sirius puffed out his chest, strutting as he walked with his friends.

James laughed asking, "Yeah?" while Peter just nodded, agreeing that Sirius was, indeed, brilliant. Mostly the pudgy boy was just delighted to be asked along on what had now been dubbed, 'Kitchen Raids.'

"Well, we should make a list. Instead of just randomly pranking people, we can go around with a list of people we plan on pranking. Make sure we get everyone we meant to. Spread the love and everything. Of course, Snivellus will be at the top of the list."

"Sounds good to me. What will we call it?"

"How about…" Sirius paused dramatically, hands gesturing grandly, "The List."

"Brilliant," crowed Peter, instantly impressed, once again confirming Sirius' earlier self-assessment. James just grinned and shook his head.

"You have such a strange need to title everything." James shook his head in imaginary dismay. "Okay, here we are. Peter, would you do the honors?" Peter proudly tickled the pear on the painting facing them. Of course, that set James to laughing again as he thought watching someone proudly tickle a painting was quite amusing.

Sirius entered first but then stopped suddenly, blocking the way for the other two boys. "Oh," he said, voice dripping with haughtiness.

"Hullo," responded their roommate, Remus Lupin, mouth full of treacle tart. He seemed to be just finishing a late dinner.

"How do you know where the kitchens are, Lupin?" Sirius narrowed his eyes. This was his special hang out and he resented someone else invading his territory.

"Dumbledore," Remus said, shortly, not wanting to explain further. The previous night had been a particularly bad moon and he only left the infirmary a short time before, promising to get food on the way back to his dormitory.

"Oh," said Sirius, looking down his nose at Remus. "Will you be here long?"

"Just leaving, thanks." Remus shoved the rest of the tart in his mouth and picked up his bag. He stood up quickly to leave, forgetting about the recent injury to his leg. Trying not to make a face and give away his predicament, Remus walked toward the door.

Sirius was still standing there with his arms crossed over his chest, unintentionally blocking both Remus and his friends from passing.

"Are you going to let me leave?" the blond inquired archly, attempting to mask the pain in his thigh.

"And what are you going to do if I don't?"

"I suppose I could sit back down for another tart or I could turn you in for being in the kitchens without permission." Short tempered after his transformation, Remus tried not to be rude, but what he meant to sound calm and logical ended up sounding a bit aggravated and aggressive.

"Whatever, Lupin. You just get more stuck up every year." Sirius moved aside to let his roommate through, glaring the whole time.

Remus pushed past, trying to ignore all three of them. He had enough to deal with today.

After the door closed, Sirius turned to his friends. "Forget Snivellus, Lupin goes on the top of our list."

oooooooooooooooo

"Here he comes, James, get ready."

Remus looked up from his book but before he could register what was happening, he was upside down, hanging by one foot in the middle of the air.

"Oh, ha, ha. You three are so amusing," Remus said from somewhere underneath his robes.

Remus was glad it was winter and he was wearing a full complement of clothing underneath his thin Hogwarts robe.

"Are you going to let me down now?" Remus asked tiredly.

"Don't worry Lupin, someone is sure to come along eventually. You will only miss lunch, and since you know where the kitchens are, it shouldn't be too hard on you." Sirius snickered.

"Lovely," Remus replied dryly, sighing a bit.

He heard the laughter of his three obnoxious roommates trail off into the distance as they left him alone, upside down, in the corridor.

Remus had his wand but no idea how to undo the curse. He thought for a moment, and wiggled out of his robe, letting it fall to the ground. Spotting the book he had been reading, Remus used a wingardium leviosa spell to levitate it up from the floor. Reading always seemed an answer to life's difficulties and it worked just as well upside down.

When Professor McGonagall finally arrived on the scene, she found Remus deeply engrossed in his book, still upside down, looking for all intents and purposes as if he were merely trying a new position in which to enjoy his most recent novel.

ooooooooooooooo

"I really don't think you should do so many pranks. It just doesn't make sense."

"Oh and you are going to tell us all about what makes sense, eh, Loony?"

"Good one Sirius! Loony! Loony Lupin! I like it." James laughed as if it had been the funniest joke he had ever heard and, at least for a twelve year old who had just ingested too much sugar, perhaps it was.

"Really, you two get into so much trouble for all the stunts you pull. Why not just do something else instead and not get into so many messes," Remus asked logically.

"What, you think we should read all the time? Become some sort of uptight nerdy kids? I think there are enough of those in the dorm already." Sirius smirked.

Remus flushed. "Well it is certainly a better plan than getting everyone angry all the time with your mischief making."

"Ooh! I am so afraid of you and your frightening anger! Why, you might actually get mad enough to lecture me, and then what would I do?"

Against his better judgment, Remus tried one last time to reason with the two boys. "I just don't think it is a good idea. You shouldn't prank people."

"Thanks so much for your wonderful advice, Loony! We will get right on that." Sirius snickered while James just grinned devilishly, looking like he was busy thinking up more ways to trick unlucky roommates.

Remus frowned, sighed, and gave up, walking away mumbling something about the lack of logic and reason in Gryffindor Tower.

ooooooooooooooo

_Dear Mum and Dad,_

_How are you? I am fine here. Yes, I do think this year is going better than last year. The study groups are really helping me get a better idea about what is going on in Potions and Herbology and the people are very polite. Don't worry, they aren't close friends or anything but it is nice to have other students to talk to._

_It is funny because they all feel sorry for me for having to share a dorm room with Black and Potter now that the two are kind of infamous now with all of their trouble making. Sympathy is nice sometimes. Thank Merlin for the locking spells that come standard on the bed curtains; otherwise, I would be lost._

_Just like you suggested, I have talked to them and tried to be reasonable and logical about the whole thing. I don't think they listened though. It just doesn't make sense that Black and Potter are always getting into trouble (and dragging that annoying kid Pettigrew along with them). Who actually wants to get people mad at them? Those two are just very strange I guess._

_I know you just planted them, but don't forget that Snuffles doesn't do well with sunflowers. You remember the time in Dorchester with the bizarre gardening accident, right? Maybe you could put up a fence?_

_Anyhow, I have to go meet with some people in the library. I will owl again next week unless I am very busy. I miss you._

_Love, Remus_

oooooooooooooooo

All day, Remus had been on his toes. His roommates had been acting particularly odd, and he was suspicious that there was another prank in the works. He considered suddenly coming down with Dragon Pox or perhaps asking if he could move into the Shrieking Shack permanently.

Remus sighed as Madam Pince ushered him out of the library. He had stayed until the very last minute it was open. Too bad he couldn't live here in the middle of the stacks of books. It was calm, quiet, and best of all, his roommates avoided it like the plague.

Trudging back to the Gryffindor common room, he considered that perhaps he had gotten all worked up over nothing. Maybe his roommates had finally given up pranking as a pastime. It might be that James and Sirius realized that their behavior was inappropriate, or maybe Peter talked some sense into them.

He mumbled the password, "Heffalump," and gave a tremulous smile as the portrait lady opened the entrance for him.

Perhaps his roommates were acting oddly because they decided to focus on their studies, finally realizing how important grades were to their futures. Yes, he decided, Sirius, James, and Peter must be up to something other than pranking.

As he entered the dormitory, he looked up to see Sirius smiling that obnoxious grin of his, not even trying to be subtle. His heart dropped into his feet; they were definitely up to something.

"All right, what did you do?"

"What are you talking about, Lupin?" Sirius' smile was anything but innocent.

Remus just peered around the room apprehensively. Nothing jumped out at him and no buckets of water appeared, hovering above his head.

Remus was a creature of habit. After the library closed, he always returned to the dorm, changed out of his uniform, and took a shower. This was partly to avoid having to fight the crush of other students in the showers before breakfast but also, the bathrooms were almost always empty at this time of day. Even the threat of a possible prank didn't seem enough to make him change his ways, but he was cautious.

It didn't seem as if the trunk containing his clothes had been tampered with, but his roommates had a pattern of messing with it. Opening his trunk slowly and with trepidation, Remus leaned as far back as possible, just in case. Nothing happened. Looking suspiciously at Sirius, Remus tried to find a hint as to what exactly was going on. Sirius' eyes glittered and Remus' hackles rose as they exchanged an unspoken challenge.

Another habit Remus developed was looking to Sirius to see what his roommates were planning. Remus paid quite a bit of attention to the black haired boy; sometimes it was helpful to know when to duck. Just by looking at those grey eyes and the stance of the expressive shoulders, Remus could tell if Sirius was full of mischief, anger, happiness or frustration. Sometimes he wondered if Sirius noticed the attention or not. He hoped not.

Glancing up every few seconds warily, Remus carefully pulled a set of clothing from the neatly folded piles on one side of his trunk.

"Hey, James, turn it up," Sirius said, motioning to the wireless. "I love this song."

"Since when do you like Celestina Warbeck?" Remus inquired, suspicions heightening.

"Since very recently," was the reply, accompanied by a sly smile.

Remus stood up slowly, holding his change of clothes loosely enough to grab his wand if he needed it.

From behind him, Peter said, "Hey, Sirius!"

When Remus looked over to Peter to see what was going on, Sirius used the distraction to fire a spell, not at Remus, but at the clothes.

Suddenly, the pile lifted out of the werewolf's grasp and started to move. As Remus gaped, the clothing swayed and twisted to the music, right in the middle of the room. His roommates laughed uproariously as the pair of pants twirled and kicked and the shirt waved its arms to the beat. Panicking, Remus pounced on the nearest piece, the plain white shirt, and tackled it to the ground. Though it was dancing around quite a bit, he jumped and was able to take hold of a pant leg. Remus had trouble keeping a grip on both the pants and the shirt as they continued to try and dance themselves away from him.

After wrestling them back toward his part of the room, he quickly stuffed the two pieces into his trunk to deal with later. Remus was now left looking for the rest of his clothes. One sock was far out of reach near the ceiling and the other had completely disappeared from view.

Worse than the sock, though, was his pair of underwear waltzing around the room, looking as if it were having the time of its life. Which it probably was.

Each time Remus tried to grab it, the piece of material managed move quickly in a different direction. In the meantime, his roommates were on the floor, laughing hysterically at each attempt.

Trying to calm himself down and think, Remus decided to try and disenchant the other items of clothing. After the last prank, he had learned a nice, general disenchantment, and he hoped it would work in this case. Remus pulled out his wand. "Finite Incantem," he invoked, aiming for the mostly stationary yet out of reach sock. Sure enough, it dropped to the ground, motionless.

When he looked around to repeat the spell at the remaining two items of clothing though, there was a small problem; neither seemed to be in the room. It was then that Remus noticed Sirius and James, Wizarding Wireless radio in hand, heading out the door to the common room.

Pure panic accelerating his heartbeat to record levels, Remus raced to the stairs. He was just in time to hear a voice loudly proclaim, "For this afternoon's entertainment, the famous Lupin Dancing Underwear!"

"Rats," he muttered, face turning red at the laughter that was filling up the room.

Hurrying down the stairs, Remus tried to see where his missing garment had fled. _Of course_, he thought, _right in the middle of the common room_.

"Finite Incantem," he croaked, waving his wand quickly. The spell missed. There was more laughter.

By this time, Remus was getting desperate. "Finite Incantem, Finite Incantem, Finite Incantem," he called out, trying to target the quickly moving undergarment. The more he fired the spell, the worse his aim seemed to get.

The entire Gryffindor common room was in gales of laugher, except for Remus himself, beet red and firing spells left and right, and one Lily Evans.

Just as the underwear zoomed over his head, deftly pirouetting, Lily wrenched the music box out of James' hands and shut it off. The underwear stopped moving suddenly and then dropped straight down, landing directly on Remus' head. There was one last round of laughter from the crowd of students before their attention began to wane, a final chuckle to themselves about the antics of the Second Year class.

Peeling the offending undergarment off his head, Remus stuffed it quickly in his pocket and turned to Lily. "Thanks, Evans," he said quietly, embarrassed almost beyond words, but not quite traumatized enough to forget his manners.

"I told you to call me Lily, remember?" She smiled kindly.

Before Remus could say anything else, Lily rounded on his roommates. "You three are the most horrible examples of humanity I have ever met! What is wrong with you? Have you no ability to tell right from wrong? If I were a prefect I would give you detention for a month! Invading someone's privacy like that and disrupting the entire dorm…"

As Lily ranted on and on about how terrible his housemates were, Remus tuned out the exact words in order to better appreciate the feeling of someone sticking up for him. _Perhaps it was a bad idea, deciding not to get too close to people_, he thought. Lily might just be an occasional study partner, but she was kind and brave and just the type of person he would want for a friend, if he were ever to want one that is.

"Come on, Remus. Get your bag. We're going to study together over by the fire. Far away from _them_."

As Lily pulled a bemused Remus along behind her, James turned to Sirius, a silly grin on his face.

"Wow, that was sure some tirade," he whispered. "She's pretty cool for a girl."

"Mate," Sirius replied, slapping James on the back, "there is something seriously wrong with you."

oooooooooooooooo

**Next Time:**

"_Well James, I might have misjudged him. Perhaps he isn't so stuck up after all."_


	3. Third Year Part 1

**Warnings:** Slash, eventual RLSB

**Disclaimers:** Don't own it.

ooooooooooooooo

**The Worst Year Yet**

**By Rekahneko**

**Chapter 3 – Third Year – Malfunctioning Books**

ooooooooooooooo

Third year, Remus became good friends with a nice muggleborn girl named Lily Evans, he had his first major crush (a studious Slytherin student), and the pranking from his roommates continued unabated. His tactic this year was to ignore the difficult pranksters. Remus had learned all about the technique in a muggle psychology book he read over the summer.

According to the book, this sort of bullying was supposed to happen because of a need for attention (which he thought was perfectly true for both boys) and control (which Remus wasn't sure they wanted, but perhaps). The book insisted that the best way to deal with bullies was to ignore them and pretend they didn't bother you until they got bored and moved on. As Remus was already a great actor, having to keep such a huge secret all the time, he was quite able to follow these directions.

Sadly, this new method of dealing with his roommates only had marginal results. Sirius in particular did not like to be ignored and seemed to follow Remus around, relentlessly trying to harass him. The boy even asked him to Hogsmeade once to get a reaction. Of course, in accordance with the advice of his books, Remus did his best not to acknowledge the invitation just as he ignored all the other pranks and attention getting ploys.

ooooooooooooooo

**Early Fall, Third Year**

"I think we should take Lupin off our pranking list," Sirius said, looking thoughtfully across the common room at an amber-eyed boy reading a book.

"Why?"

"Well James, I might have misjudged him. Perhaps he isn't so stuck up after all." Sirius watched as the firelight played across the even features of his quiet roommate. Dark blond hair flickered from gold to brown in the unpredictable lighting.

"You fancy him, don't you." James grinned, interrupting the moment.

"Hmph. He's just better looking this year though, isn't he?"

After considering the situation for a moment, Sirius sauntered across the room to perch on the edge of the armchair where Remus was deeply focused on his book.

"So, Lupin, did you have a good summer?"

Remus rolled his eyes, but kept on reading.

"You must have missed me tremendously," Sirius said with an obnoxious grin. "Personally, I had a brilliant holiday, but of course I'm glad to be back, aren't you?"

"Whatever, Black," Remus said dismissively, trying to ignore what was obviously a prank set-up. He didn't even bother looking up from his book, just flipped to the next page.

After looking completely flummoxed by Remus' reaction, Sirius retreated back to his friends for some moral support.

"I can't believe he ignored me! Me, Sirius Black, the most popular guy in our _whole _year!" Sirius was completely flabbergasted at the thought.

James just laughed, as always while Peter did his best to look supportive while wishing they were on a kitchen raid instead.

"Forget what I said earlier, Lupin is going straight to the top of the list!"

"Sirius, did you really think he would react well to you chatting him up?"

"Of course! Who wouldn't?"

"Lupin wouldn't, that's who. Maybe he isn't interested in boys."

"Maybe," Sirius said, frowning. "But at least he should want to hang out with me, right?"

"Maybe Lupin just doesn't want to have anything to do with you at all. I mean, you are kind of an idiot and everything…"

"Hey!"

ooooooooooooooo

_Dear Mum and Dad,_

_Yes, I know I haven't really written much this year but I have been very busy with everything. _

_The study groups are going very well and I have a friend from the Potions group, Lily Evans. I know what you said about friends, but she is great and really nice and I will make sure she doesn't notice anything, don't worry. Maybe you can meet her at the train station during holiday break. I think you will like her. She is a muggleborn and has red hair. _

_She, Severus Snape (he is the one in Slytherin who is so good at brewing), and I all get along pretty well. They are always helping me get better grades in Potions. I am able to help them a bit in Defense so it works out fine. Neither approves of Black and Potter nor do they find the pranking amusing like some of the other students. That makes me feel better and everything (especially when they set off dungbombs again like they did yesterday)._

_Just like we talked about, I have been working on ignoring my roommates. Sometimes it seems like it's working and sometimes it just seems to annoy them. I am not sure if it is the most effective tactic, but I will keep it up. Maybe you could send me another one of those books on bullies like the one we checked out from the muggle library this summer._

_I'm glad to hear that Snuffles is doing better after that whole popcorn and glue disaster. I hope the mess eventually comes off of the ceiling! Give him a hug for me._

_Love, Remus_

ooooooooooooooo

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah, all we need now is a diversion so I can get into his school bag."

"You really think this will work, Sirius?"

"Of course! How could it go wrong?"

James seemed to consider the question for a bit longer than expected, but ended up answering with a shrug. "So do we wait for Lupin to get distracted or do we have Peter do something stupid?"

"Hey," Peter piped up.

"Did I say something stupid? I meant something distracting."

Peter looked displeased, but didn't comment.

"So, Pete, think of something good so we can get to Lupin's bag. I have complete confidence in you."

"Thanks, James. I'll do my best." Peter's chest puffed at the magnitude of the important task he was set.

Meanwhile, Sirius was busy ignoring Peter's existence and humming to himself in delight. "This is the perfect prank! I mean, not only will we find out if Lupin likes males or females better, but there are pictures of naked people involved. Who wouldn't like to see pictures of people completely starkers?"

"Naked people?" inquired Peter, who hadn't been in on the planning.

"Well, mostly naked anyhow. The best I could do on short notice."

"What exactly is the prank?" asked Peter, terribly curious.

"Never you mind. Just get him distracted for me, yeah?"

Remus never noticed when two of his dorm mates rifled through his bag, casting spells on a few of his belongings. He was too busy gawking at Peter, who was trying to balance an orange on his nose while juggling three tomatoes at the same time. Of course, since the orange obscured his vision somewhat, he was having a difficult time catching the fruit, bits of red, squished tomato flying all over the room every time he tried. During all of this, not a single person noticed the two black haired boys and their illicit activities.

ooooooooooooooo

"Turn to page 264 of your books please. Mr. Lupin, it is your turn to read out loud to the class. Three pages, as usual. You may begin."

Remus' quiet, calm voice filled the classroom as he began to read aloud.

When he was close to the end of the first page, Sirius whispered, "Get ready to watch carefully, James."

"Advanced Transfiguration spells began to be commonly used starting around 1263. Edmund Blodgett was the first known user of Switching Spells in 1258, sparking interest in the subject. Blodgett's impact on the subject was felt for years..." Turning the page, Remus continued.

"As he moaned and gripped the hard, slick shaft of Robert's enlarged…"

Remus slammed the book closed, red faced and horrified. There was a long silence as everyone reviewed their memories to make sure they actually heard the words they thought they had. Then, of course, there was laughter. Gales of it.

"Mr. Lupin?" The professor looked worriedly at Remus, voice carrying over the students' giggles.

Wide eyed, Remus replied, "My book seems to be malfunctioning."

If it hadn't been for Remus' spotless reputation and the exaggerated sniggering and unsurprised looks of the three troublemakers in the back of the room, the professor might have given out a detention. Instead, she glared at the other third year Gryffindor boys before asking a different student to continue the reading. She knew Remus would never disrupt class on purpose and, like many of the other teachers, she felt sorry for him for having to share a dorm with some of the most difficult students in years.

Remus spent the rest of the class period with his head close to his book, hair covering his beet red face.

"Did you see his expression? Are we sure he saw the picture before he closed the book? What do you think, does he like guys?"

"I dunno, Sirius. He looked pretty appalled."

"Hmph. At least I have the lasting memory of Lupin reading that passage. Merlin, I'm brilliant." Sirius smiled expansively at the recollection of Remus' sultry voice reciting the torrid passage.

ooooooooooooooo

"Remember to turn in your homework before you leave. Just put them in a pile on my desk."

The students were busy cleaning their areas and packing up their belongings, talking with each other and starting to relax after a long day at school.

Remus was happy to have made it through all his classes without any more incidents like the one in Transfiguration class. Each time he opened a book, he had carefully checked to see what was on the page, but there had been nothing at all for the remainder of the day.

Finally able to loosen up after an afternoon of stress, Remus turned to his best friend Lily to discuss their favorite pastime, reading. "I just adore the book you loaned me. I finished it last night and it was exactly what I was in the mood for. Do you have the next one in the series?"

From the other side of the room, Sirius and James were trying not to look like they were closely watching their roommate.

"Has he pulled out his homework yet?"

"Shh, James, he'll hear us."

"Well Remus," Lily replied, "The rest of the books are at home, but perhaps I can get my parents to owl them here. They need more practice using owls anyhow – they're muggles, remember. Are you almost done?"

"Yeah, I just have to turn in my paper."

"Here he goes! Now he'll see it. Remember to look at his expression when he notices the picture, okay?"

"Umm, Sirius, he isn't looking down at his homework. He's still chatting."

"Not good. What if he turns it in without looking at it?"

"That would be funny! Imagine Slughorn's face!"

"I don't care about Slughorn's face, you dolt. We won't be able to see Lupin's expression, and then we'll never know!"

"Quiet down, he's just about to hand it in."

"All right, hurry it up, everyone give me their assignments." Slughorn picked up the stack of scrolls and motioned for the remaining students to hand him any that hadn't already been turned in.

"…and my favorite character is Edmund because he has such a complex motivation. What about you?"

"I like Susan the best. The series needs more strong female characters. Other than the White Witch who is much too evil to be interesting. Hey, Remus, why is there a picture on your homework? I thought it was supposed to be written answers only."

Remus looked down at the parchment in his hand and his eyes widened. Just at that moment, Professor Slughorn pulled it out of his hands.

"Sir! Err, I need that back." Remus' voice cracked as he began to panic.

Sirius had a difficult time not laughing as he watched Remus consider tackling their potions professor to retrieve the document before it was too late.

"What's so wrong about your homework that you don't want me to see, Mr. Lupin?" Professor Slughorn raised his eyebrow and peered at the paper.

Remus put his head in his hands.

"Well, well," said the amused teacher, chuckling. "It looks like you might have included the wrong picture. This one might be a better addition to next week's essay on Amorentia instead."

"Sir," Remus squeaked out, "I didn't… That's not… Oh, Merlin."

Nearby students were craning their necks in order to see what was on the page that Slughorn seemed to find so funny.

"The August centerfold from PlayWizard is a nice touch, but I just don't see how it compliments a paper describing the twelve uses of dragon's blood."

Remus' mouth opened and closed without any sound coming out.

Slughorn just chuckled again, enjoying the attention. "Oh, don't worry. I recognize a prank when I see one. I am sure whoever added the artistic touches to your homework had an excellent sense of humor." He sent a broad wink over to James and Sirius who returned an overly innocent look.

"Lucky you joined the Slug Club this year, Sirius," James mumbled. "We get away with everything in this class."

They watched Lily drag an embarrassed Remus from the classroom.

"Well?" Sirius turned to his friends.

"I think he looked even more appalled at the picture on his homework than he did when he saw what was in his book earlier today."

"So he likes guys better than girls?"

"If we go purely by the evidence, I'd say he dislikes centerfolds in general." James was grinning.

"Maybe he looked so horrified because he was getting pranked," suggested Peter.

"Shush, Pete. When I want your opinion, I will give it to you," Sirius said, pompously.

Peter rolled his eyes. This is why he so rarely spoke up.

ooooooooooooooo

**Late Fall, Third Year**

"He's just playing hard to get, James."

"I'm not so sure, Sirius…"

"Well, I am. I mean really, who could resist me? And I'm sure he's just anxious to get on my good side after so many of my brilliant pranks."

"_Your_ pranks, Sirius?"

"Our pranks, then," he added, graciously. "Oy! Here he comes."

"So, Lupin, what are you doing this Saturday?"

Remus stopped to look carefully at his least favorite roommate before answering.

"Homework with my study group." As he was walking towards them, Remus was fairly certain he had heard the word 'prank' from one or both of the boys.

"Cancel it then and come to Hogsmeade with me," Sirius ordered confidently.

"I don't think so," Remus replied, a bit scornful that they thought he could be caught up in one of their tricks so easily.

"What do you mean, you don't think so?" Sirius replied, confounded. Remus had already started walking away though.

Sirius sent a distressed pout over to James who just grinned and shrugged.

When they were alone again, Sirius turned to James. "He told me no," Sirius explained, flabbergasted.

"What did you say to him?"

"Nothing special. I'm just not sure what it is exactly that I'm doing wrong with him. It seems to work on everyone else…"

"Maybe that's why you like him. He isn't like anyone else."

"Stop being so insightful. It's positively creepy."

"What was that?" James looked around suspiciously, trying to find the source of the strange noise he had heard. "I thought we were alone."

"Oh, it's probably just Remus' sock again. You remember, the one from the dancing clothes prank last year?"

"It's still going? Did you ever figure out how it can dance around without music?"

"Nope, no idea. It must be magic," he replied with a straight face.

"Wow, you are really funny, mate. Look at me, rolling on the ground laughing. Ha. Ha."

"Maybe Remus just has special feet or something. His socks are unique. I have always wanted a pet."

"Sirius, you are the strangest bloke I have ever had the misfortune to meet."

"Back at ya."

ooooooooooooooo

**Next Time:**

"_Lupin. Are you flirting with me_?"


	4. Third Year Part 2

**Warnings:** Slash, eventual RLSB

**Disclaimers:** Don't own it.

**Notes:** Apologies as well as thanks to Rry (I hope the gouging out of your eyes from editing this chapter won't be permanent).

ooooooooooooooo

**The Worst Year Yet**

**By Rekahneko**

**Chapter 4 – Third Year, Stuck Together**

ooooooooooooooo

Sirius Black and James Potter had many different interests but only a few actual obsessions. Pranks were at the top of the list for both boys, and everyone knew to avoid starting a conversation about Quidditch unless they had an extra hour or two to spend. But when it came to their personal life, James' fixation on Lily Evans was starting to become a school joke, at least for the third year students. He had been asking her out regularly since the beginning of the year. She always turned him down, sometimes with a hex, but he never took her answer to heart. James would just grin and say, "Next time, then."

As for Sirius, popular opinion was that he didn't focus on just one individual because he was trying to see how many different students he could be seen with before graduation. He had started to cut a swath through the Hogwarts third year population. It seemed the dark haired boy would flirt with and even date anyone, male or female, whom he felt was good looking enough.

What wasn't common knowledge about the heartthrob was his interest in his dorm-mate Remus Lupin. In fact, most students thought Sirius disliked the studious boy because of how often Remus was the chosen target for pranks. Strangely enough, while Sirius pranked his classmate Severus Snape because of distaste, Remus Lupin was currently a favorite target largely because of unrequited romantic interest.

ooooooooooooooo

_**Journal Entry, dated December 26**__**th**__**, Third Year**_

_Wow! I got the best gift from my new best friend! This journal is the best ever since I am the only one who can read anything written in it. She is so wonderful – my first and best friend, Lily Evans. Lily is making this year so much better than the last two. The Herbology teacher even mentioned that it was nice to see me smile in class. Apparently I had never done that before this year. How embarrassing that the professor noticed!_

_Anyhow, I have been too afraid of the Two Evil Gits (and I know you can figure out of whom I speak) reading it to actually keep my journal here at Hogwarts. Those two are much too good at unlocking and revealing spells. They go through my stuff all the time! It is bloody annoying. I do wish they would leave me alone already. I often wonder why they pick on me so much. They mostly leave Longbottom alone and of course Pettigrew (but Pettigrew only because he follows them around like a puppy and does anything they ask). It is so difficult to try and ignore them when they prank me, but doing that is supposed to help, so I keep trying._

_Speaking of trying (and they are so very, very trying), why do my very trying roommates have to make me a target for so many of their tricks? It seems like they pull a prank on me at least once a month. Perhaps when they were young, they were bitten by a were-pranker. Oh, I do crack myself up. _

_Sometimes, I become paranoid and worry they must know my secret and are just trying to mess with me because of it. Of course, if they truly had figured everything out, they probably would have told the whole school or something equally as nasty. I know it isn't true though, that they know I mean. My roommates are loud and obnoxious, and wouldn't be able to keep a secret for longer than a few minutes even if they wanted to. Of course I know I would be doomed if any of them did find out. I fret about it incessantly. _

_Anyhow, I have to say that having this journal is a new way to get one over on the Black and Potter. I can say all the horrible things I want about them in here and they will never be able to read about it. Unless they somehow manage to create a Polyjuice Potion of me and then waste it on searching through my things. Which would be odd, even for those two._

ooooooooooooooo

It was the middle of History of Magic class, and Sirius was doing his best to stay awake. Not for the lecture of course, but because this was a prime time for him to be planning pranks and surreptitiously gazing at Remus Lupin. So far, he had written down twelve different ideas to consider, including exploding everyone's pumpkin juice at the same time, creating a love potion for the giant squid, and finding a talking spell for the toilets. Sirius had also noted at that Remus bit his lip right before he crossed out something in his furiously written notes, that Remus' hair had several different colors in it, depending on the light, and that Remus had a fresh scar on the back of his hand.

Sirius was busy trying to figure out how he could get the toilets to comment on things in the same way magical mirrors did, when he was hit in the head with a balled up parchment. He opened what was obviously a note from his friend.

It read, _I have never been so bored in my life. I wonder if Binns was any more exciting when he was alive._

He wrote back, _Doubtful. Hey, have you ever noticed that Lupin gets sick and hurt a lot? He's a pretty frail sort of a kid I guess. Sleeps a lot too. Or at least he stays behind his curtains. There are some days it seems like I don't see him at all. Strange._

_Nope, I haven't noticed. I'll take your word on it. You certainly are the expert when it comes to him._

Frowning at Remus' tired face, Sirius wondered for a moment before shrugging his shoulders and turning back to the note from his friend.

_So, Sirius, you_ _going soft on us or what?_

_What are you talking about?_

_I see how you look at him, don't think I haven't noticed. And speaking of which, you should wipe the drool from your chin. Are you going to finally take him permanently off our pranking list or what?_

Sirius wondered if he should pretend he didn't know what his best friend was talking about. He sighed. _No, he stays on the list. I am not going soft._

After a moment, Sirius added, _I don't want people to know I like him since he always turns me down. My reputation will be ruined! Plus, at least he pays me some sort of attention when he is pranked. Sometimes._

_You know it isn't going to help him change his mind, right?_ James made a face at his friend when he finished writing the question.

_We never prank __**her**__, and she still doesn't want anything to do with you. I don't see how either way makes any difference really. Plus, it is fun!_ Sirius grinned over at his friend and mimed throwing a dungbomb at the teacher.

_Sirius, you are crazy._ James returned his friend's grin.

_If I had a sickle for every time someone told me that, I would be a rich man._

_You are a rich man._

_See what I mean? _

Life was pretty good for Sirius Black, even if it wasn't exactly perfect.

ooooooooooooooo

**Spring, Third Year**

Two young men were involved in an animated discussion as they made their way awkwardly down a deserted corridor of Hogwarts School of Wizardry. The reason for their slow progress was a rather peculiar and discomfiting binding spell. The two boys were now attached to each other, left side to right side, which made walking a rather complicated experience.

"I just wish we didn't have to go to Madame Pomfrey to get fixed up. Under which group of spells do you think this one would be classified? If I had only been able to hear the incantation…" Severus Snape sighed, frustrated with the situation. He was almost used to strange things happening to him at this point though, as he seemed to be one of the favorite targets of the most infamous pranksters Hogwarts had ever known.

"Too bad it wasn't a potion they hit us with. If it had been, I am sure you could have whipped something up to fix us. You are so brilliant at potions." Remus Lupin flashed his very best smile over at the pale youth next to him.

Pausing in the hallway, Severus looked carefully at the sandy haired boy next to him. "Lupin. Are you _flirting_ with me?" He proceeded to raise eyebrow in pointed inquiry.

Remus had to stop as well since they were literally joined at the hip. He hoped the darkness of the hallway hid his blush. "Umm, no?"

A snort of disbelief was the reply.

Remus continued, trying not to sound as embarrassed as he felt. "I wouldn't dare flirt with you. Malfoy is terrifying!" He managed a small grin and sent a sideways glance through the curtain of his hair.

"Yes, well…" There was a shrug and something vaguely resembling a chuckle came from Remus' companion as he made the noncommittal reply.

_Severus thinks I am funny! And that disturbingly seductive voice… Lucky Malfoy. _

"Speaking of Malfoy - if Madame Pomfrey can't get us unattached right away, I wanted to ask you to tell my parents that I love them and that I want yellow flowers at my funeral."

This time there was an actual laugh from the dark haired boy. "Lucius isn't that bad. Usually."

The two study partners shared a smile and continued chatting as they carefully made their way to the infirmary together. They never noticed the shadows flickering behind them as Sirius crept along, listening to their easy conversation and fuming silently under his friend's invisibility cloak.

ooooooooooooooo

As the footsteps of a sixth year Gryffindor girl disappeared upstairs, the two solitary occupants of the Gryffindor common room, finally alone, started discussing their recent exploits.

"James, they were having fun! Together! And Snape laughed! I didn't even know he could do that. It isn't fair." Sirius whined at his friend as he complained about their latest prank.

James rolled his eyes. "Sirius, the prank went fine. Everyone thought it was funny and we were amazingly brilliant. What more can you ask for?"

"Well, how about that Snivellus would be miserable instead of practically getting propositioned over the whole thing? It's just not fair. I hate him even more than I did before." He paced back and forth across the room, brows drawn together and lips pursed.

"You're just pouting because Lupin doesn't fancy you. Maybe we could take him off the list. Somehow, I don't think pranking him will help Lupin appreciate you more."

"Well after today, he is right on the top! Right after Snivellus anyhow. Flirting with him and not me!"

"Those two always seem to be at the top, Sirius. Maybe you should just get over him," James offered helpfully.

"Like you have gotten over Evans?" Sirius smirked at his best friend.

"That's different. Evans will eventually cave and admit the depth of her feelings for me. Lupin doesn't _have_ any feelings for you." James sniggered at the death stare aimed his way.

"At least you know he would consider it anyhow."

At Sirius' confused look, James continued with a huff, "You said he was flirting with Snape. Who is a bloke."

A beaming smile replaced the pout. "Oh yeah!"

"So you don't have to change your gender to get Lupin to be interested in you, just everything else about yourself." James laughed as Sirius hurled himself over the couch to wrestle his friend to the ground.

ooooooooooooooo

**Next Time:**

"_So," she said, not so deftly changing the subject. "Was kissing as brilliant as you always thought?" _


	5. Fourth Year Part 1

**Warnings:** Slash, eventual RLSB

**Disclaimers:** Don't own it. So sad.

**Notes:** Thanks to Oony!

ooooooooooooooo

**The Worst Year Yet**

**By Rekahneko**

**Chapter 5 – Fourth Year, Jellyfish Hats**

ooooooooooooooo

By fourth year, Lily had discovered his lycanthropy and yet stayed his friend. This confidence booster helped Remus try out a new tactic when it came to his dorm mates. He not only spelled his trunk to lock out his roommates, but also delved into all sorts of books for information on how to help protect himself and his property from the two troublemakers. He figured out how to put passwords on his parchment and his robes now stayed the same color no matter what spells were thrown at them. Remus was even able to plan ahead sometimes by actively using his acute werewolf hearing to try and listen in on Sirius and James planning pranks. It helped quite a bit, but not as much as he wished.

Still, life was much better than before. He had a best friend in Lily, he had experienced his first kiss (with the studious Slytherin boy) and his first fight (with the studious Slytherin boy's ex-boyfriend). Spending the weekend in the hospital wing re-growing a few bones helped him get over the crush rather more quickly than he would have imagined.

ooooooooooooooo

_Dear Mum and Dad,_

_Thanks for the letter, I will let Lily know you said hello. Didn't I tell you that you would like her? I know it was risky to make friends and everything, but she is okay with the whole werewolf thing, just like I always hoped. It is so great to have at least one person who knows and who I don't have to pretend with. Madame Pomfrey doesn't count nor does Dumbledore. They are old! Madame Pomfrey must be at least thirty or fifty or something._

_The real reason I am writing is that tomorrow you will get a note from the school and I wanted to tell you about it first. I just want to say that it isn't entirely my fault. Malfoy completely started it. He was just jealous because I was spending some time with one of his friends. Or something like that anyhow. But from now on, I will be staying as far away from both of them as I possibly can. And yes, I am fine. It isn't like I'm not used to the hospital wing or anything. _

_I am enclosing some Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans for Snuffles. They are some of my least favorite kinds and I don't want to waste candy; that must be some kind of deadly sin, right? I remember that Snuffles likes the haggis tasting ones as well as the cottage cheese ones so I included a few of each, as well as some other flavors. Let me know if he likes any of them. _

_Well, I need to take another dose of the most horrible medicine known to man. I will write you more later._

_See you soon and don't be too mad,_

_Love, Your Favorite and Only Son, Remus_

ooooooooooooooo

"How are you?" Lily was standing next to the corner bed in the hospital wing, its occupant looking more than a bit worse for wear. As soon as she found out that Remus had been hurt, Lily had rushed off to see what had happened.

"Okay, I guess. I've been in here for more serious things," he added, grimacing.

"I heard about the fight."

"What did you hear," Remus asked nervously, winding the edge of the sheet in his hands as he wondered what this would do to his sterling reputation.

"Just that Malfoy beat you up."

"Oh. That's not so bad, I suppose. I guess it could have been worse."

"Tell me what really happened before I expire of curiosity!" Lily bounced up and down on her toes, agitated.

Before speakng, Remus looked around to make certain they were alone. "Severus asked me to meet him on the second floor charms classroom after class, and when I got there, well…"

"Well, what?" she asked, impatiently.

"He kissed me," Remus muttered.

Lily's eyebrows rose. "Just like that? Did he say anything? Did you kiss him back?"

"Yes, no, and yes."

"And then?"

"And then Malfoy arrived, hexed me like there was no tomorrow, and yelled at Severus for kissing me, even though the two of them had broken up. As they left, it sounded like they were going to get back together."

Lily winced. "That's pretty harsh, Remus."

"Well, Severus did sort of look back at me for a second kind of apologetically. I think." Remus squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and then looked around the sterile, white walled room morosely. "Merlin, I'm pathetic."

"After I get a hold of him…" Lily trailed off, eyes glittering with anger. Remus almost felt sorry for Severus and the toungue lashing in store for him from his childhood friend. "He's just an ass. Forget it."

"I don't think I'll be forgetting it for a long while." Remus picked at the corner of a bandage which covered up a patch rather nasty looking orange blisters.

"So," she said, not so deftly changing the subject. "Was kissing as brilliant as you always thought?"

"Well, it was nice, but it wasn't really all that brilliant. It was kind of awkward and sort of embarrassing." Remus was red in the face after saying this.

"Maybe it was that way because it wasn't the right person."

"Perhaps," Remus replied a bit doubtfully. "I just have the kind of luck where my first kiss gets broken up by the ex-boyfriend."

"As did our Potions study group."

Groaning, Remus put his face in his hands. "I am going to fail Potions now. My life is officially over."

"Trust you to be more worried about your grades than anything else," Lily said, huffing in amusement, anger temporarily forgotten.

Remus just shook his head without looking up.

"It'll be fine with just the two of us. You and I will just find another place to study. In fact, I think I have just the location. It's near the Gryffindor common room, so no Slytherins will be skulking about at all. There is this long hallway with a tiny desk area at the very end. Not very pretty, but quiet anyhow, and no one is ever there."

Sighing, Remus conceded, "I suppose that sounds nice."

"It's going to be okay." Lily put a comforting arm around her friend, receiving a mumbled thanks in return.

"You know, you should probably tell your parents at some point. I mean, not about Severus, but about the fact that you are interested in boys." She tried, gently.

"At some point," he conceded. "Maybe."

"They'll stop trying to set you up with that annoying neighbor girl that you're always talking about. The one that Snuffles has a problem with."

"Snuffles _is_ a problem."

"Yeah, but he's so cute! He is your very own furry little problem."

Remus smiled, his first all afternoon. "He was just defending me. Snuffles knows I can't stand the girl, and he decided to make sure she wouldn't bother me for a while."

"A strange way to go about defending you. Dragging her clothes through an anthill while everyone was swimming…"

"I almost feel bad for her. But then she opens her mouth. Remind me to get Snuffles some treats by the way. For a furry little problem, he is awfully handy to have around sometimes."

ooooooooooooooo

_**Journal Entry – October, Fourth**__** Year**_

_I am delighted to report that my new plans for avoiding the Twin Prats' tricks have started paying off. In fact, just today I overheard the two of them talking about a prank they were going to try on me. Now, when tomorrow comes and they distract me and dump whatever potion it is that they just finished into my pumpkin juice, I will be ready. If I spill it 'accidentally,' they won't catch on that I knew ahead of time. _

_It was funny last week when they hexed me with a spell they thought would be quite a laugh. Little did they realize that I had overheard them and prepared beforehand. When they hit me with the knee-reversing hex, I was able to calmly cast the counter-curse and walk away without a backwards glance (which would have been really hard to do had my knees still been reversed). Sirius was so frustrated. It made my entire week!_

_The new spells to keep my trunk locked aren't as successful, sadly. They are __very__ good at finding counter spells (just like Lily, I suppose) and so far, I have only managed a week and a half before they cracked it. That is okay though, I will not be discouraged.  
_

_Currently, I am researching ways to keep my clothing (my robes in particular) the same color no matter what. They do love that stupid dye hex. Too bad I don't think there is a way to protect my hair from color changing spells. Of course, now I know how to at least change the spell color, even if I can't undo it. Maybe there are other ways to protect myself other than spying on them and learning all the counterspells. We will see. As always, Lily has helped me out._

_On top of research support, Lily has assisted me with a few ideas for when someone questions my monthly absences. Her best idea for an excuse is that I have a parent with a long term illness and I get special permission to visit them on a regular basis. This means I don't have to remember which relative is ill or just died or whatever. She is amazing! I can't help but wish that the rest of the world was more like my friend Lily, understanding and accepting (did I mention brilliant?). Too bad she is a girl._

ooooooooooooooo

"It looks like Lupin isn't here again tonight. Where do you think he goes? I hope he doesn't have a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend for that matter." Sirius grimaced at the idea.

"Oh! I knew there was something I was forgetting to tell you." James smacked himself lightly on the forehead. "I heard about why Lupin leaves school sometimes. Apparently, he has a sick mother. Something long term and very severe. He goes to see her."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I heard it from Marlene McKinnon, who is best friends with Bertha Jorkins, who talked to Cynthia Pucey, who heard it straight from Lily Evans."

"Wow. How depressing. No wonder he never talks about it. So what does his mum have?"

"McKinnon didn't say."

"Well, I'm certainly not asking him. That'd be a pretty awkward conversation."

James nodded his agreement.

"You know what he needs? Lupin needs something to cheer him up. I bet if we plan a good prank on him, it will be just the thing."

"I'm not sure pranking him will make him feel better, Sirius."

"Remember how much more cheerful he looked after we pranked Malfoy earlier this year? He almost smiled at me!"

"That's different. Everyone loves to see a Malfoy in a dress and high heels." James grinned.

Nodding his head in agreement, Sirius smirked. "What if it's a funny prank? Everyone likes funny things."

James rolled his eyes and grinned. "So what were you thinking of doing?"

"Well, I was thinking maybe we should charm a jellyfish to stick on his head like a hat."

"Where did you get that idea?"

"I accidentally listened in History of Magic. Apparently there was this guy, Uric the Oddball, who did all these strange things, including wearing a jellyfish on his head. I'm thinking of looking up more about him, just to get more ideas. Heck, Lupin might even recognize the reference and realize how brilliantly intelligent I am."

"I think Uric the Oddball might have a Chocolate Frog card or something because he kind of sounds familiar. But where are we going to get a jellyfish?"

"Not sure."

"And how will we charm it to stay on someone's head?"

"I dunno."

"How are we going to make sure it doesn't constantly sting Lupin?"

"No clue."

"Remind me how brilliantly intelligent you are again?" James asked.

ooooooooooooooo

**Next Time:**

"_What a tragedy such good looking guys have to be so completely annoying and bratty."_


	6. Fourth Year Part 2

**The story thus far:** After being advised not to make close friends at school, Remus and his dorm mates get off to a rocky start. Remus makes a friend in Lily, and they are united in their dislike of James and Sirius. Or so they insist…

**Warnings:** Slash, eventual RLSB

**Disclaimers:** Don't own it.

**Notes:** Thanks to Oony and all my helpful reviewers. Help is good!

ooooooooooooooo

**The Worst Year Yet**

**By Rekahneko**

**Chapter 6 – Fourth Year – Merlin, the Giant Squid, and a Vampire at a bar**

ooooooooooooooo

"But James, we've already tried this a few times before, and it was terribly boring, remember?"

"Yes but today is different. I can just tell! This time we'll find out all sorts of things."

"We found out all sorts of things last time too. Like the fact that Lily and Remus really enjoy talking about boring topics. Who discusses politics and literature at our age? Honestly."

"Oh come on Sirius, it isn't like you have anything better to do."

"Fine, whatever. I can't believe I let you talk me into stuff like this."

ooooooooooooooo

Remus and Lily were in their usual study alcove, a nice little area with just enough room for a large table and a few chairs. It was fairly close to the Gryffindor tower but in such an out of the way place that no one ever bothered them with noise or distractions. The table was their favorite place to get some serious studying done.

"Lily, can you pass me the book on top of that pile over there? I swear this Potions project is the most frustrating thing, ever."

"But Potions is so easy Remus! I just can't figure out what you like so much about Defense."

"At least we can rely on each other. Which reminds me…" Remus rifled through his bag for a moment. "I finally finished the map project we were messing around with last week. It turned out really well."

Lily Evans beamed over at her friend. "Finally! It was an interesting idea; I'm glad you talked me into helping with it. Let's see it then."

Remus placed a blank parchment on the desk between them and muttered, "Map Project" while tapping his wand. Suddenly, the paper had diagrams and writing on it.

"See Lily, this is us here, and this part is where… err… Hey!"

His finger paused as he was about to point to the part of the map which showed the hallway connecting their study area and the rest of the school. His eyes lifted to reassure himself that in fact the area around them was empty and, in fact, there was no one around. Which was quite strange as the map showed two dots at the desk, labeled 'Lupin, Remus' and 'Evans, Lily' but also about ten meters away, two other dots showed 'Potter, James' and 'Black, Sirius.'

"Remus, are you sure it works?" Lily had also looked at the map, looked around her, and then turned to her friend with wide eyes. "Because if it does…"

Coughing over her words, Remus interrupted her in a strangely stilted voice. "Lily, did I ever show you that new spell I was talking about yesterday?"

Lily just stared at him blankly.

"Yes, well. Very interesting spell. I will demonstrate." Remus looked carefully at the map, aimed his wand, and shot off a spell he had recently learned.

There was a faint sound which may or may not have been a stifled exclamation.

Lily raised her eyebrows and smiled widely. "What spell was that Remus? And can you teach me? It is so nice to have such an empty area to practice spells in, don't you think?"

Remus grinned mischievously for the first time in a long while. "Black and Potter hit me with it a few days ago. It turns the skin on your face bright colors. Takes ages to wear off. Of course, I now know the counter-curse if you are ever interested, but let's practice the spell itself."

As Lily took aim toward the empty space, she noticed that two dots on her map seemed to be moving away from her and down the hallway. She quickly tried out her new spell.

"Not quite, move your wand more like this." Remus 'practiced' his spell again, hoping he hit the second of the two boys this time. "You're right, the hallway is a perfect place to attempt new spells."

"Absolutely!" She replied enthusiastically, trying out the new spell a few more times and finally getting one properly off toward the end of the corridor.

Lily held her laugh as the dots sped up toward the end of the hallway and watched the parchment in front of her for a moment longer.

"It looks like they are off the map now and out of earshot. What complete and utter idiots." She laughed and then mused for a moment. "I wonder how they hid from us though. It was too strong for a Notice-Me-Not charm, but full invisibility spells are very difficult to master."

"I hope I hit them. And it was probably a magical object of some sort. Both of their families are rich enough to afford things like that. Who knew messing around with mapping spells would come in so handy! Of course, it only shows this one area but still…" Remus shook his head in both amusement and amazement.

"I never would have guessed those two would be hidden right there. Kind of creepy if you ask me. Do you think they have done this before?" The red head gave a shudder but couldn't contain her grin at the memory of being able to hex her two least favorite people and all without the possibility of getting into trouble for it.

"It might be less stalker worthy if it had been someone else instead."

Lily nodded her agreement. "What a tragedy such good looking guys have to be so completely annoying and bratty."

"You think they're good looking?" asked Remus incredulously.

"Well, I mean, relatively." Lily blushed. "And anyhow, I could have sworn you were staring at Black the other day in Charms." she added quickly in defense.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Lily. It's always a good idea to keep an eye on those two, you never know what they will be up to next."

"Riiight." Lily looked as if she didn't quite believe her werewolf friend. "Anyhow, why don't we work on that Notice-Me-Not charm. I really think it would be useful to help avoid Potter and Black when they are on the prowl with one of their pranks."

"Thanks by the way! You are amazing at research, Lily. This new charm looks to be wonderful and I can't tell you how much the revealing charm helped last week. I knew they had a potion but I didn't know where or when they were going to use it. It turns out they put something in my cocoa during Tuesday's lunch. I still have no idea how they got it in there."

"They're smarter than they look, eh?"

"So speaks the woman who thinks they look great." Remus grinned.

"Hey! I thought we were going to work on the spell, not make fun of me." Lily rolled her eyes. "And let's keep the map around in the future while we are studying, okay? Just in case."

oooooooooooooooo

_**Journal Entry, May, Fourth Year**_

_Hello journal of mine. I have more to whine about. Yup, it is about Sirius Black again. Only this time it isn't a prank I am annoyed with. Last week, the two of us were assigned as partners on a project for Transfiguration. I knew it was going to be bad because, well, it is Black and what else can you expect? But thankfully (I think) he needed a good grade so he actually consented to doing some honest to goodness work with me. _

_It is funny because I nearly offered to complete the whole project for both of us in return for him laying off the pranks and leaving me alone for a while. I decided that I didn't trust him enough to keep his word and for some reason, I was actually worried that he would laugh at me for offering. Plus, I am sure it would have just encouraged him since he would realize how much his behavior bothers me. So I ended up in the library with Black and I am still not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing._

_We met in the library and I was completely on my guard, just waiting for him to do something to make my life more difficult. Well, it turns out, though he has absolutely no attention span, he is disturbingly bright. In fact, when he wasn't making fun of me for being so bookish, and when he wasn't pretending to hit on me (like I am going to fall for that trick), Black was almost pleasant. Imagine my shock!_

_And why should this all be something to whine about? I mean here is my arch nemesis being not only civil but agreeable and even, dare I say it, amusing. Well, it was refreshing for the first few days we had to meet but that last evening when we were just finishing everything up, he said something funny (now I can't even remember what it was), and I smiled and looked up at him. In fact, I might have even chuckled a bit but I will never admit to it out loud. He was sporting that obnoxious grin he has that is so annoying. But when I looked at him, all of a sudden it wasn't annoying any longer. In fact, it made him look quite handsome. Now you see my problem._

_I am having such a difficult time now ignoring his rather more than average appearance. It never bothered me before because he was so aggravating. I just looked past the fact that he is quite stunning. At this point, I am almost thankful when he makes me angry because it becomes easier to dismiss my stupid attraction to the guy._

_Hopefully it is one of those short term mental illnesses that will disappear as quickly as it appeared. I hate being a teenager. At any rate, it is almost summertime and I won't have to see him for months; I am sure that will help if nothing else._

oooooooooooooooo

"It was great! We talked and joked and everything."

"Mm hmm," replied James, paying absolutely no attention whatsoever.

"He even laughed at one of my jokes! You remember? The one about Merlin, the giant squid, and a vampire in a bar? I don't think he has ever laughed at my jokes before. That'll show the stupid greasy git."

"What? Are you still on about that whole Lupin and Snape thing? It was ages ago!"

"The fact that you remember and knew exactly what I was talking about means it wasn't too long ago." Sirius sniffed indignantly, still clearly recalling his secret observation of Remus flirting with Severus.

"The reason I remember was because you remind me all the time. In fact, you bring it up almost every time we prank Snivellus, which is pretty often."

"Well anyhow, I thought it went great in the library. I was on my very best behavior and was as charming as humanly possible. Lupin smiled at me and everything! And wow! That was…" Losing focus for a moment, Sirius pictured the soft smile and sparkling eyes of the golden haired boy gazing at him over the table of the library.

"That's nice, Sirius. Keep walking." James pulled on the sleeve of his slightly lovesick friend.

"But now that we turned the project in, he is back to ignoring me. He should be on his knees begging me to date him!" Sirius looked rather disgruntled.

"Forget about it for the moment, Sirius. We need to finish this potion before it goes bad. If we don't get it just right, the horns on Snape's head won't be very noticeable."

Sirius rolled his eyes but followed his best friend as James headed to their Secret Potions Lab (really just an out of the way storage closet that hadn't been used in a few hundred years, but it sounded better to have a Secret Potions Lab).

As the started walking, Sirius added, "Just so you know, Lupin is back on our list."

James merely laughed, used to such a common occurrence.

ooooooooooooooo

**Next Time:**

"_It isn't my fault! He is just too..." Remus paused, thinking. "Too something. I'm not sure. But whatever it is, he has too much of it to ignore."_


	7. Fifth Year Part 1

**The story thus far:** After being advised not to make close friends at school, Remus and his dorm mates get off to a rocky start. Remus makes a friend in Lily, and they present a united front when it comes to Sirius and James.

**Warnings:** Slash, eventual RLSB

**Disclaimers:** Don't own it.

**Notes: **Thanks to Oony and Rry for all the help!

ooooooooooooooo

**The Worst Year Yet**

**By Rekahneko**

**Chapter 7 – Fifth Year – Remus Is Over His Crush**

ooooooooooooooo

When fifth year finally rolled around, Remus Lupin felt like he was finally on solid ground when it came to his life at Hogwarts. He was sure this was going to be the year when his roommates decided on a new hobby or at least a new victim for their pranks. Remus was tired of dealing with them and wanted nothing more than never to see them again. He was completely over his unfortunate crush on Sirius Black which he blamed on a combination of hormones and too much time indoors studying.

Remus was over his crush until he saw Sirius in the train station that is, complete with broader shoulders, longer hair and a few more inches in height. In fact, somehow, Sirius Black was even better looking than the previous year. He was laughing with James and Peter, probably over the misfortune of some poor first year, and yet Remus couldn't seem to turn away in disgust. Just as Remus realized he was staring, Sirius looked up, caught his eye, and winked, grinning widely. The werewolf's stomach flipped and knees turned to jelly. It was terrible.

Sitting down heavily on his trunk, Remus buried his head in his hands. He waited for his friend Lily to show up at the station, hoping she could somehow snap him out of it. The way things were going, this was going to be the worst year yet.

oooooooooooooooo

"Okay James, this time, I'm sure it'll work. I think he was staring at me the other day in class and really, how could anyone resist me?"

The question Sirius posed seemed to amuse his friend to no end, if hysterical laughter was anything by which to judge.

Sirius just huffed and made his way over to the other end of the Gryffindor common room. Two heads, one red haired, one dark blond, were bent over an overly large and quite dusty tome.

"So, Lupin," At the sound of his name, the blond boy looked up, eyes wide. Sirius thought he might have seen a faint flush on the boy's cheeks, but it was hard to be certain as this part of the room was illuminated by the tricky light of the fireplace.

Sirius continued, "I was wondering if you would like to join me in Hogsmeade next weekend." The boy in question just crossed his arms over his chest, leaned back in his chair and stared at Sirius. "Or we could stay here. Plenty of things to do all day in an empty dorm." Sirius leered suggestively, but only received a raised eyebrow in return.

The staring contest was quickly over as Sirius' severe lack of attention span gave him a distinct disadvantage. He quickly gave in, throwing up his arms in temporary defeat. Muttering under his breath, Sirius stalked back over to James and Peter and their unwelcome snickering at his misfortune.

ooooooooooooooo

"So," Lily said, "what was he saying as he left?"

"Err, well…" Remus ducked his head down a bit and let his hair fall into his eyes, a sure sign he was feeling uncomfortable.

"Come on, tell me! Was it good? Bad? Worse?"

Remus cleared his throat. "It's embarrassing so keep your voice down." He looked around carefully, making sure they wouldn't be overheard.

"He said, 'Stupid Lupin. Thinks he is too good looking for me. Well, I'll show him! Back to the top of the list.'" Remus sighed. "Sounds like he is going to plan another prank with me as the star, doesn't it?"

"Too good looking for Black?" Lily smiled. "Why don't you go out on a date with him?"

"What? You want me to go on a date with the most pompous, egotistical guy in the whole school, just so he won't prank me? You've got to be kidding."

"I don't _want_ you to date him at all. I was just suggesting you think about it. Not so he won't prank you either; so you can get him out of your system. You're starting to get a bit too interested in him."

"It isn't my fault! He's just too..." Remus paused, thinking. "Too something. I'm not sure. But whatever it is, he has too much of it to ignore."

"Looks? Personality? Idiocy?"

"Yes to all three. Good lord Lily, what do I do? This is a completely intolerable state of affairs." Remus looked at his friend miserably.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I kind of know how you feel." Lily risked a surreptitious glance across the common room to James Potter.

"At least Potter doesn't make so many off-color remarks. Last week Black walked right up and asked if I would go behind one of the greenhouses with him and make out for a while. Does he really expect someone to say yes to that kind of an invitation?"

"Don't tell me you didn't at least think about it." Lily smiled knowingly. "And Ja-, I mean Potter, he knows I would hex him if he said something like that to me."

"You hex _James_ no matter what he says," Remus said, grinning at his friend's slip to the more familiar form of address.

"Yeah," she said, "I do."

They both laughed quietly before turning back to the large book they had borrowed from the library.

ooooooooooooooo

_**Journal Entry, Late September, Fifth Year**_

_Me again, the idiot werewolf. Why do I say idiot? Well, because suddenly, it has become true. Stupid Sirius Black has found a new way to make my life hell. The sad thing is it isn't even something he meant to do this time. At least I don't think so._

_I am not quite sure when things started to change between us, all I know is that fifth year is starting to be just as horrible as the other years, but for different reasons. I know for sure that in third year, Black held absolutely no interest for me whatsoever other than my desperate desire to avoid or ignore him. _

_Some time between then and now, I went completely insane. Maybe I just have a thing for the whole tall, dark and prattish look. Is that even a word? Perhaps I just like to pick the most unreasonable choice available. First Severus (can Malfoy be any more intimidating? And what is up this year with Severus' new 'pureblood' ideals? Who does he think he is kidding?), and now Sirius. _

_Oh hell, I am even calling him by his first name now, though I haven't done it in front of him yet._

_What is wrong with me? I really don't understand it at all. Maybe I secretly like pain and misery. I could swear to you that I practically hate the boy and yet I find my eyes following him around the common room when I should be reading. I know he is a bit of a bully (not as bad as he used to be at least), and I have never appreciated the humor in his pranks, so why do I have to fight a grin when I see a Slytherin walk by with green hair or a foot long nose? _

_He smiles at me and instead of making me annoyed and suspiciously worried like before, I have to work not to melt at his feet. One can only hope he hasn't noticed. Thank Merlin he is naturally oblivious (I mean, we live together and he hasn't even realized that I leave every month with the full moon, hurrah for small favors)._

_Perhaps I should blame it on hormones and leave it at that. Goodness knows practically every other person in the school would agree with me that he is attractive. And that's another thing. He has dated practically everyone else in the school. How could I possibly be interested in someone who has the attention span of a gnat and the morals of a flobberworm? _

_If ever we did get together, it would be for what, two days? A week? Perhaps that is what I should do; go on a date or two until he gets bored and moves on. Sadly, I doubt that would help. I can see it now; we date for a week, I end up getting way too attached, there is a horribly public and very embarrassing break up, and then he has even more fodder to use against me in his stupid pranks. _

_No, I think it is best that I stay as far from him as I can. Yes, I know I am leaving out the whole wolfish aspect of the argument but really, how many times can I re-hash the whole "don't let people close so they won't find out" argument? Or the more depressing "who could love a werewolf" question... Lily says I get way too moody about it so I try to avoid the entire lycanthrope topic. I try to avoid it on the 27 out of 28 days it is possible at least._

oooooooooooooooo

As Remus sat at his usual spot near the fire, he decided that it just wasn't the same without his friend Lily there beside him. A group of girls across the room were whispering and, even with his above average hearing, he couldn't quite tell what they were saying. Shifting uncomfortably, he tried not to dwell on it but couldn't quite shake the idea that, just maybe, they were talking about him. And his lycanthropy.

Of course, logically he knew that wasn't the case, but his paranoia was getting the better of him without Lily as a distraction. Even Black and Potter weren't around to distract him from his thoughts. Though of course that was a good thing, right? Certainly life was much quieter without his roommates around. He sighed, trying to focus on his studying.

More whispering reached his ears. Remus chanced a look over at the group, and one of the girls returned his gaze, giggling with her friends.

_Okay, that's it. I can't take this anymore._ Picking up his scattered belongings, Remus quickly stuffed them into his bag and headed off to class at least half an hour earlier than he needed to.

As he rounded the corner on the way to his next class, he was met with the sight of one of his roommates, chatting with another student. Not wishing to deal with anyone in his current mood, Remus ducked into a shadowy alcove before he was seen. Peeking out around a strange statue of a wizard wielding a watering can like a weapon, he took in the scene before him.

There was Sirius Black, touted Slytherin-hater, terror of first years, taunter of advice-givers everywhere, smiling and chatting to what looked like a miniature version of himself, but with a Slytherin crest on his black robe.

"You remembered what I said about the trick stair, right? And getting to the kitchens if you need a snack?"

The younger boy nodded and smiled, seeming quite pleased with the helpfulness of the advice.

"Good, because you need as much food as possible if you are ever going to be even close to my height."

"I'll have you know I grew this much, just over the summer." The young boy smiled proudly as he made a small space between two of his fingers to indicate the amazing change.

Sirius reached over and ruffled the Slytherin's hair. "So I heard you have Transfiguration right after Herbology, that right?"

At the younger boy's nod, Sirius continued. "Professor Ishtar always keeps everyone late and makes you late to your next class. But there is a shortcut between the tower and McGonagall's classroom. If you take the left hallway at the bottom of the tower and look for a tapestry with two Welsh Dragons, just push the star shaped panel to the left of the tapestry and take the corridor that appears. Can you remember all that?"

"Yup. Thanks. I've already been late twice, that'll be really helpful. Professor McGonagall is kind of scary the way she looks at you when she's annoyed."

"No kidding. I get that look at least three times a week and it never gets better." Rather than a rueful tone, Sirius' words held a note of pride. Remus thought there might be a little hero-worship in the gaze of the young Slytherin.

"Anyhow, just let me know if anyone gives you a hard time, okay? I can hex them until they lay off, or just prank them into submission. No one messes with my little brother, right Regulus?"

The boy beamed up at his big brother before both of them went their separate ways.

oooooooooooooooo

Remus sat alone in the classroom, musing on the scene he had witnessed and the obvious kindness and concern with which the first year Slytherin had been treated. Honestly, Remus hadn't thought it possible that Sirius could be at all cordial with a member of the house of snake, relative or not. Certainly he never expected to witness such soft hearted conversation between the two brothers. When students started arriving for class, Remus realized that he hadn't gotten a single thing done.

"I need a quill. Mine broke. Do you have an extra?"

Sirius and James had entered the classroom and Remus used the opportunity to once again listen in on their conversation.

"Nope. Why don't you ask Frank for one? He has quills coming out his ears."

"He almost never has a spare quill."

"No, I mean literally. He has quills coming out his ears. Some sixth year cursed him in the hallway. Maybe you could help him with that and get a quill out of the deal."

"A quill with earwax all over it? Ugh, nasty. That's okay."

"Ask Lupin then. He always carries a spare."

"Like he would even give me the time of day…" Sirius sighed, but hoisted up his bag and walked over to Remus.

"Hey, Lupin. Can I borrow a quill?"

Remus felt a bit guilty. Was he really that bad when it came to Black and Potter? Not that they didn't deserve it, but still.

"All right," he answered shortly, reaching into his bag.

"Really?"

Remus held out the quill and raised an eyebrow.

"You are letting me borrow your quill? Aren't you afraid I'll mess with it? Use it to prank you or something?"

Remus' eyes narrowed and he started to pull his hand back.

"Not that I would. I promise! Please, Lupin?" Sirius looked at him pleadingly, large gray eyes at their most beguiling. Remus pushed the quill into the outstretched hand, trying not to blush.

"It's just a quill," he muttered, as Sirius bounced back to his seat, beaming with delight.

As Remus tried to calm the flustered feeling in his stomach which always seemed to happen after Sirius smiled at him, the teacher started collecting homework.

"And where is your homework, Mr. Black?"

"There was a misfired spell in Charms and my homework was sent to the future." There was a titter from around the room at his words. Even Remus was hiding a grin behind his book.

"Well, you had better hope it was sent to a point in time later today and ends up on my desk," the professor warned, obviously not as amused as the rest of the class.

oooooooooooooooo

**Next Time:**

"_Remus, I just want to say thank you for last night in the Astronomy Tower." _


	8. Revenge In The Making

**The story thus far:** After being advised not to make close friends at school, Remus and his dorm mates get off to a rocky start. Remus makes a friend in Lily, and they present a united front when it comes to Sirius and James.

**Warnings:** Slash, eventual RLSB

**Disclaimers:** Don't own it.

**Notes: **Once again, thanks to Oony and Rry.

ooooooooooooooo

**The Worst Year Yet**

**By Rekahneko**

**Chapter 8 – Fifth Year, Good Times in the Astronomy Tower**

ooooooooooooooo

"Remus, I just want to say thank you for last night in the Astronomy Tower."

Remus looked at Lily with wide eyes, wondering exactly what she was talking about. He had been in the library last night, up late with yet another killer potions essay. At his confused expression, she raised her eyebrows and pointed discreetly to the map. Sure enough, two dots labeled 'Black, Sirius' and 'Potter, James' had appeared close to their desk. Remus raised an eyebrow and then smiled.

"Oh Lily, indeed it was amazing," the blond boy finally replied with a wide grin. Before he got to know her, Remus never would have guessed Lily had such a wicked sense of humor.

"In fact, I might go so far as to say it was one of the best times I've ever had up there." Remus winked broadly at the red-head next to him.

"I just never knew you had so much experience," she cooed. There was a choking sound from the seemingly empty space between the desk and the end of the hallway. The two pretended like they hadn't heard anything and continued the conversation.

Remus gently covered one of her hands with one of his own. He paused dramatically and looked soulfully into her eyes, or at least he tried. The expression was a bit harder to master than he would have thought, since he didn't think he was supposed to be grinning at the same time. "Well you weren't so bad yourself. With a little more practice…"

Trying to repress giggles, Lily gamely continued. "Oh yes, we should _definitely_ practice more often. And I can't say enough about that thing you do… Well, you know." Her eyebrows wiggled knowingly.

A muted noise vaguely resembling a protest came from where the two pranksters were hiding. Remus was hard pressed to continue feigning ignorance while he was about to burst into laughter. He decided to cut to the chase before his amusement at James and Sirius became obvious enough that the two boys realized they were being set up.

"Yes Lily, I'm so glad that I was able to help you with your astronomy. I know the knobs and dials on the telescope are difficult to adjust correctly and take a lot of practice, but I think you did a great job learning the basics."

They two at the desk kept their eyes on the map as the two unwanted dots left down the hallway. Remus' werewolf ears picked up a faint "Argh!" as the boys got farther and farther away.

"Okay, they're gone now," Remus said, no longer having to hide his laughter.

"Oh Reeeeeemus, my dearest love!" She responded in between gasping laughs. "I bet they really thought…" Lily couldn't continue speaking through her laughter and instead waved her arms around trying to get across her point.

"Hey now! Is it so hard to imagining that we would have a wild and crazy time together in the Astronomy Tower?" Remus' expression was filled with mock offense as he threw a balled up piece of paper at his study partner.

"Yes, yes it_ is_ so hard to imagine." She giggled at her friend, glad they had long ago acknowledged the complete and total lack of romantic interest between them. "You know, we are becoming fairly good at getting rid of them when they come by for one of their little visits. I wish I had seen their faces!"

The chestnut haired boy beamed happily as his head was filled with images of Sirius and James gaping like fish out of water. "Indeed, getting something over on the two of them is strangely satisfying. Sometimes I get the urge to pull a horrifically large prank on those two. Thus far, I have managed to restrain myself. I don't want to sink to their level after all."

"Then you should pull a prank that rises above the level of their usual bathroom humor," Lily rejoined. "Something stylish, intelligent, and utterly humiliating that the whole school can enjoy."

"Well, I certainly have enough ideas. The last few years living with Sirius and James have inspired massive amounts of creativity when it comes to imagining payback." Remus sighed and shook his head. "Those two… Sirius drives me insane, I swear! He has more energy than any ten normal people put together and he seems to spend all of it trying to make me jump out of the nearest window."

"James is much worse with his thick skull. Always smiling and laughing, never serious, nothing seems to faze him at all. It's just not normal."

They began to rehash their favorite argument; which black haired boy was the most difficult. The two had been arguing the various points back and forth since they became friends and had yet to come to an agreement. Perhaps this time the conversation wouldn't degenerate into their second favorite argument (new this year); which black haired boy was better looking. Doubtful though.

ooooooooooooooo

"Argh!" Sirius Black dragged his friend into the nearest empty classroom and whipped off the invisibility cloak.

"That was close! I was sure they were going to realize we were there." James Potter said, slightly out of breath.

Sirius rounded on James, "What were you thinking? You almost gave us away when Evans did that face with the eyebrows thing at Lupin. If people find out about the invisibility cloak, we're going to get fingered for more of our pranks."

"'That face with the eyebrows thing?' You're so eloquent, Sirius. And I had to put my hand over your mouth after that comment about Lupin being experienced. I mean really!" James grinned, delighted at yet another chance to tease his friend.

"For a moment there, I almost thought they, well. Anyhow. I should know by now that they never say anything interesting when they study." Sirius grimaced. "Remember that one time they almost sounded like they were going to say something incriminating, and then all of a sudden they started talking about Russian playwrights or something horribly boring like that? Maybe we just have terrible timing."

"Or maybe they never talk about interesting stuff and we should just give up spying on them like I keep trying to suggest."

"Right, like you aren't the one always trying to get me to stalk them with you. At least they didn't decide to try out any spells today." Sirius shuddered at the memory of getting caught by a stray spell when Lily had tried to show Remus how to successfully cast some sort of complex charm having something to do with chickens. He had shed feathers for hours after that.

"It's too bad that someone so terribly handsome is completely stuck up and dreadfully dull."

"Sirius, if you really think Lupin is dull, why do you hang on his every word in class? You can't seem to keep your attention off him for more than 3 minutes." James made a face at his slightly obsessed friend.

Rather than disagree, Sirius rolled his eyes and folded up the cloak. "Come on, let's go to the kitchens for a snack."

"Sure thing. Maybe we can think up some better pick up lines on the way. Apparently the comment comparing Lily's hair to tomato paste didn't go over so well. I thought it was funny myself. The hex I got sure was a tough one." James smiled fondly.

"You are so strange." Sirius shook his head at his friend's wistful smile. "At least she does something. Lupin just stares at me. It's really frustrating."

"Hey now. Sometimes he glares or raises an eyebrow in addition to staring!" James grinned and pulled his friend toward the kitchens.

ooooooooooooooo

_**Journal Entry, Early October, Fifth Year**_

_I am so excited about my prank idea! I hope it all turns out well. I wonder if Lily will want to help me out. She is so great at charms and I will need all the extra planning assistance that I can get. And of course she is brilliant at potions and I am really not the best when it comes to application (though my theory is quite solid if I do say so myself). _

_Should I ask for Lily's help with the potion part or ask Severus? He is better at potions but can be selective in who he decides to take pity on, and it might be awkward after the 'incident' last year. I really don't want to antagonize Malfoy again! Plus, Severus has been acting very conceited this year. I do hope Lily will help with the prank. _

_In other Sirius news, he did it again. He waltzed up to me right after potions class and said, "Hey, sexy. Wanna shag?" I mean, really. The situation is just getting silly. What did he think I was going to say? I just put my hands on my hips and did my usual silent glare until he gave up and left. It isn't like he can tell that my heart rate doubles when he says things like that and he certainly can't see the images his words conjure up in my head. What a total and utter idiot. A totally shaggable idiot. Damn._

_The times this year we ended up having actual conversations, while they may be few and far between, have been quite nice. Certainly I know him better than he might think, since I can (and do) secretly listen in on his banter with James and Peter. Sirius may be moody and outrageous, but he is also absurdly loyal and genuinely caring when it comes to his friends, and quite amusing to boot. Often I have to hide my grin so I won't give away the fact that I just overheard a humorous remark._

_I mean, maybe if I was sure he wasn't just making those comments to me as some sort of joke… And if I thought he could ever be serious (which he never is, especially when it comes to serious and black puns). Or if I thought I could trust him with the whole werewolf secret… _

_Actually, that last bit is really what it would take for me to actually consider being with him. I know I could never trust Sirius to react well to finding out that I am a werewolf. At best, he would think it was one big opportunity for blackmail or pranking. At worst… Well, it doesn't bear thinking about. Ah well. If wishes were horses, beggars could ride, right?_

ooooooooooooooo

"So how is Susan?"

"Huh?"

"Susan. You know, your girlfriend?"

"Oh, right. That Susan. I need to break up with her."

James laughed. "It has only been a week, Sirius. She still has that 'Oh my god, I'm allowed to touch THE Sirius Black' look."

"Yeah, but she's so boring! There is only so much a good snog can make up for. Plus, she's not really very bright. I've never even seen her with a book open."

"Sirius, the only times I've seen _you _with a book open is when we've been sneaking into the restricted section."

"Exactly, so whoever I date needs to be bookish enough for the both of us." Sirius snuck a look across the common room to where Remus was curled up on a chair, reading. "Anyhow, I thought of a new pickup line for Lupin."

Groaning, James covered his eyes. "I'm sure I don't even want to know. You don't really expect it to work, do you?"

"No, not really. But sometimes, the way he looks at me when I say something way over the top, well. It's so focused and intense. Those eyes are absolutely to die for. I wish he'd look at me more often."

"Great Merlin, you really have it bad. So you don't expect the lines to work, yet you still use them. You haven't given up on actually getting him, have you?"

"Heck, no! I am just biding my time. Until I figure out the right strategy. Or he comes to his senses."

"How about when I'm finally dating Lily, we can ask her advice on Lupin."

"Nah. I want to be with him sometime in this lifetime, thanks."

Sirius knew very well that his pick up line wouldn't be effective on Remus Lupin. At this point, he was just hoping for a reaction of some sort. Any sort. Sometimes when Lupin glared at him with what must be annoyance, Sirius would imagine that there was something else completely different going on behind those intense eyes.

Sighing, he toyed with his quill. Remus' quill, actually. James had given him a hard time about keeping it and returning a completely different one to their quietest roommate. Sirius supposed becoming attached to a feather was a bit ridiculous, after all. In fact, he decided didn't really care one bit about the silly thing, now that he thought about it.

"Hey, Sirius. Can I borrow your quill for a second to jot down the homework before I forget?"

Peter received a growl from Sirius for even thinking about using his precious quill for a lowly thing such as scribbling down some stupid assignment.

"Or not," the chubby boy muttered.

"By the way," James interjected, grinning like a loon. "Nice quill you have there, mate. Where'd ya get it?"

"Bite me."

Wagging a finger, James replied, "Sirius, there is a very fine line between love and nausea."

ooooooooooooooo

**Next Time:**

"_You know, Lily, I have been thinking about your suggestion."_

"_Which one, Remus? The one where you become the leader of the Underground Werewolf Resistance and back my bid to take over the Ministry of Magic?"_


	9. A Plot Is Hatched

**The story thus far:** After being advised not to make close friends at school, Remus and his dorm mates get off to a rocky start. Remus makes a friend in Lily, and they present a united front when it comes to Sirius and James. Remus has decided that it is due time for some payback.

**Warnings:** Slash, eventual RLSB

**Disclaimers:** Don't own it.

**Notes:** (1)One liner inspired by 'Will and Grace.' Because they are just so inspiring! Thanks to Oony and Rry, yet again.

ooooooooooooooo

**The Worst Year Yet**

**By Rekahneko**

**Chapter 9 – Fifth Year, A Rose by Any Other Name is Still Conjured**

ooooooooooooooo

"You know, Lily, I've been thinking about your suggestion."

"Which one Remus? The one where you become the leader of the Underground Werewolf Resistance and back my bid to take over the Ministry of Magic?"

Remus smiled. "No, not that suggestion, though it does have merit. I mean the idea about pulling a prank on Sirius and James. I think I came up with something good, though the details get a bit complex. I would need your help…" He trailed off, uncertainly.

"Friends help friends move, true friends help friends move bodies. I am here for you!"

Laughing, Remus shook his head. "Well, I don't know about moving bodies, but I might need you on the potions front and maybe for spreading some disinformation."

"Perfect! What are we planning?"

Remus breathed a sigh of relief. He really needed her help with this and it looked like Lily was as excited as he was, even before hearing the details. Life was good. Maybe this year was going to be better than he thought.

"Let's go to our study area and I'll go through my ideas."

After they were settled down comfortably at their favorite desk, map activated, they got down to business.

"I was thinking about why it is I dislike getting pranked. I decided that my main problem isn't so much the effects of the pranks particularly, but instead it's being laughed at by the other students. So, I think the best way to get back at Sirius and James is to make people laugh at them all day, without the two being in on the joke."

Lily listened intently, nodding.

"Maybe it isn't the best idea, but I thought that if we were able to spell their robes to have insults printed on the back, as long as they couldn't see what was written and no one told, they wouldn't know why everyone was laughing at them all day."

Remus looked nervous that perhaps it wasn't a good suggestion, but Lily encouraged him. "Go on, tell me the rest then."

"I was bored a while back and was thumbing through this Quidditch magazine and noticed that the professional teams sometimes advertise on the backs of their players' robes. The lettering stands out an inch or two from the robe to make it easily viewable and this way, the wind doesn't ruffle the lettering when it ruffles their robes. Really fascinating article, all about the effects of advertising on popular sports and how consumers…" Remus stopped in the middle of his sentence, realizing he was rambling.

"In any case," he continued, a bit embarrassed but back on track, "I did a bit of research and found the spellwork they use. Remember way back in second year when they charmed that 'kick me' sign on my robe? It is a similar charm, only a bit more complex. Actually a lot more complex. But we can do it. It would be perfect for this because, even if they are sitting down in a chair, the letters will stand out and be readable."

"The biggest flaw at the moment is that each one would see the writing on the other's robes. We would need a potion to make sure they can't read the insults. That will take more research, but I have a few ideas already."

Lily nodded her encouragement.

"We can also get whatever is written on their robes to change during the day if we are careful, so we just have to make a list of insults for each of them. Actually they don't even have to be insulting, just something funny since we want people laughing."

Remus was gaining confidence as he explained farther. "Of course, we will have to plan carefully since it kind of hinges on everyone _not_ telling the boys about what is going on."

"How do you plan on doing that?" Lily looked doubtful.

"Well, remember when I told you they were planning a New Year's prank? I overhead some details and I think I can safely say that everyone will be pretty angry at them after the New Year feast. I'm fairly certain they will completely ruin the formal ball that night. If we aim for a day close after that, maybe people won't be so inclined to tell."

"I'm not sure I even want to know what they are planning. You canget us out of the path of destruction, right?"

"Yup, though the only good excuse to miss out would make us look especially nerdy. Sorry."

"No worries. In any case, if we plan carefully enough, we can probably get a number of people to help with our prank…"

"Just as long as they aren't aware that we are behind the whole thing. Here is the point at which I rely on your superior political skills."

"Ahh. So this is what you meant by disinformation."

At his nod she smiled widely.

He continued, "I figured if we spread the word quickly enough about the prank and that no one should tell the boys; that would make all the difference. We don't want some Hufflepuff girl with a crush giving everything away too soon, though it will probably happen eventually. Either that or some first year will get cornered and scared into telling. I bet we can get a lot of laughs out of it in the meantime though!"

"Well," Lily pondered a moment. "It sounds complicated. But I'm sure we are skilled enough to make it work. So tell me more about the potion and the spell you are considering."

Remus beamed at the agreement from his friend. They were really going to make this happen.

The two budding pranksters talked well into the evening, discussing the intricacies of Remus' idea and the specifics of the spells and potions involved. The process was much more enjoyable than they would have guessed, though of course neither was quite willing to admit to it.

ooooooooooooooo

_Dear Mum and Dad,_

_I was hoping you could send me a few potion ingredients that I have stored in my room back at home. Lily and I are doing a special project and we need a few items that are not as easy to find in Hogsmeade. I am enclosing a list. Thanks!_

_Other than that, things are much the same. Yes, the two boys are being difficult as usual and no, I haven't been on a date since this summer. I wouldn't really want to talk about it if I had though. That is just weird, telling you guys about my love life (or lack thereof). One discussion was enough to last me a lifetime. Not to say I'm not happy and relieved at your reaction to everything and all… I do appreciate your support. But still, weird._

_If you could take another picture of Snuffles and send it off, that would be great. In the one I have here, he has gotten himself stuck up in the tree and won't come down. I think he is scared of the flowers growing under the tree. They are the same bright pink color as Aunt Clarine's favorite flower print dress (you know, the one she wears every single time she visits?), and he has been afraid of her ever since she dressed him up in ribbons and painted his toenails. Anyhow, I just want a picture where I can see him clearly. Please stick it in with the ingredients. Thank you!_

_Love, Remus_

oooooooooooooooo

"You know the prank where we spell everything in castle with a Slytherin crest on it to spit out cheering charms? Let's put it off until next weekend," suggested Sirius, sounding a bit more demanding than persuasive.

"Why can't we do it right now? I really wanted to see all the dour Slytherins skipping and giggling." Peter pouted, not at all a good look for him.

"Because tonight is a special night, and I want you all still to be alive."

There was a short pause as Peter carefully considered Sirius' words and James chuckled.

"What is so special about tonight?"

"Tonight is when Remus Lupin will finally decide to date me. I am going to conjure him a rose and everything. Then I will ask him to accompany me to the most exclusive restaurant in Hogsmeade. It will be terribly romantic. Who could say no to a single red rose?"

"You aren't able to conjure more than one at a time, are you?" James smirked.

Sirius just grunted, not wanting to admit to failure.

"Okay, so everything has to be just perfect in order for this to work. What do you think? The red shirt or the green one?"

"Well, the red one says, 'I'll call you,' and the green one says, 'I'll wake you.'"(1)

"Green it is."

ooooooooooooooo

"You bring a whole new meaning to the word, _edible_."

Delighted with his latest pick up line, Sirius held out a single, blood red rose to Remus who was looking at him a bit askance.

"A rose, Black?"

"Isn't it romantic?" Sirius beamed proudly. "I bet no one has ever done something like this for you."

"Actually, you've given me a rose before, as I recall." Remus continued to stare suspiciously at Sirius, making no move to take the flower.

"What? I have?"

Remus nodded. "Back in second year. You threw it at me, and I was so surprised I caught it. The rose exploded in a shower of rainbow colored sparkles which didn't come out of my hair or off my skin for several days."

Sirius gaped at him, having completely forgotten about the incident. "Err, sorry?"

Shrugging, Remus wondered if Sirius had ever apologized for a prank before. He didn't think so. "What's this one do?"

"Nothing! This one is just a rose!"

Remus looked at him pensively. "Hmm. I think I'll pass. Thanks though." He went back to his book.

"Oh. Right, then. I guess I'll see you around?"

A noncommittal noise was the only response.

Sirius wandered back upstairs to the dorm room looking a bit confused as Remus watched, peeking through his fringe. Chuckling quietly to himself, the werewolf shook his head in amusement. Sirius Black never seemed to give up on his pranking.

ooooooooooooooo

Sirius shuffled into the dorm room, staring at the rose in his hand, slightly bewildered.

"Well? What did he say this time when you asked him on a date?"

"I didn't even get a chance to ask him anything. I have no idea how that happened. He said he didn't want the rose and then sort of shooed me away somehow."

"Too bad." James didn't look too terribly shaken by the incident for some reason. "Maybe we can get an early start on more planning for the New Year prank, then."

"At least he talked to me," Sirius continued, absently prodding the rose.

"We'll need lots of extra mugwort. More than we can filch from the stores in the potions classroom. Suggestions?" James was almost serious now that he was getting down to official prank business.

Sirius, on the other hand, was still musing about his recent encounter. "And he didn't even seem annoyed when he talked about that old rose and rainbow prank."

"How about we have Sirius just owl order the missing ingredients like before?" Peter suggested.

Sirius continued on, undeterred by the lack of interest shown by his friends. "Lupin seemed slightly amused, if anything, now that I think about it."

"You mean when he ordered all that powdered unicorn horn and charged it to the Black Estate under his brother's name?" After so many years of friendship, James was able to completely tune out Sirius when the need arose.

Sirius was now pulling off each rose petal, one by one. "Not that he was amused back in second year. But just now, he was almost smiling. Sort of. Possibly."

"Yeah, that was so cool," Peter agreed, grinning at James. "I still think we should order something completely embarrassing using his brother's name."

Sirius scooped up the pile of petals and cast a spell on them he still remembered from second year. "And people think I'm crazy when I insist he likes pranks."

"Nah." James shook his head. "The kid is kind of okay, for a Slytherin. Plus, once the Blacks notice that it isn't Regulus charging the stuff, we won't be able to do it again."

After unlocking Remus' trunk with a quick spell and tossing the petals in, Sirius finally joined his friends' conversation. "Yeah. My parents will buy anything for Reggie as long as it isn't too overboard."

"Sirius! You're back! We always miss you when you take these little trips of yours. Gonna help with the prank now?"

Grinning, the black haired boy rubbed his hands together with delight. "Pranks! I just love them! And this New Year's prank is going to be the best. Where were we, then? Ingredients?"

ooooooooooooooo

**Next Time:**

"_A minion would be nice, but imagine having to put up with someone like Peter following you around all day."_


	10. Planning Pranks

**The story thus far:** After being advised not to make close friends at school, Remus and his dorm mates get off to a rocky start. Eventually, Remus makes a friend in Lily, and they present a united front when it comes to Sirius and James. It is fifth year, and Remus has decided that it is due time for some payback.

**Warnings:** Slash, eventual RLSB

**Disclaimers:** Don't own it.

**Notes:** Thanks to the betas! And I hope all of you have been less swamped with life than I have.

ooooooooooooooo

**The Worst Year Yet**

**By Rekahneko**

**Chapter 10 – Fifth Year – Falling for Remus**

ooooooooooooooo

"Nice hair, Remus."

"You know you like it," he countered with a smile, running his hand through the strands, making the wildly colored sparkles in it glint.

"Glad you're supporting diversity, what with the rainbow and all." Lily chuckled. "Want me to help find the counterspell?"

"Nah, it'll wear off in a bit."

"Another prank, eh?"

"Yeah. This one is almost my own fault though. I reminded Black about something he pulled back in second year and the annoying git just had to repeat it."

"Why are you smiling if you think he is so annoying? Don't tell me you are reminiscing fondly over past pranks or something…"

Remus laughed. "Just in a good mood, I suppose."

"You have certainly gotten more laid back about Black and Potter's antics. Why is that, I wonder? Could it have anything to do with the fact that you fancy one of them?" Pretending to think carefully about the idea, Lily pursed her lips and drew her brows together.

"Hush. I'm more laid back about everything compared to my first year, not just the pranks."

"You were so cute! All shy and formal…"

Remus cleared his throat, embarrassed. "Anyhow, you know they aren't as bad as they used to be."

"I'm not sure. They certainly try just as many stunts as they used to."

"But these days, they aren't nearly as…" Remus tried to think of the right word to use. "As mean about it or something. It is as if all the acid has gone out of the prank, at least on their part. Of course, it's still just as embarrassing as always, having people laugh at me."

"Which is why we are going to pull this prank on them, right?"

"Right!"

"And you aren't going to back out at the last minute because you're a little sweet on Black, right?"

"How could you ever doubt my intentions," he asked, mock offended.

"Actually I've been worried you were starting to get Stockholm Syndrome."

Remus looked at her blankly.

"You know, where a prisoner becomes sympathetic to his captors."

"And that would fit me because…"

"Because, while you might not be a prisoner, you do live with them. I worry that pretty soon, you'll start enjoying the pranks instead of being annoyed by them. But don't worry, it's not just you. Black and Potter would make anyone go mental."

"Planning pranks is actually kind of fun, but having them happen to you, well, I'm still not delighted by that."

"Good on both counts because we need to plan some more details about our idea. You brought your notes, right?"

Remus nodded and pulled out his list of potential weaknesses for their plan to try and trick James and Sirius. "All right. So we're pranking Black and Potter by charming their clothes to read insults and giving them a potion so they can't see the writing. First issue - what are we going to do about Peter?"

"What do you mean," Lily asked.

"We agreed not to include him in the prank itself but he will spill the beans no matter what. He's a faithful minion of the two idiots after all. Speaking of which, we should get ourselves one of those, don't you think?"

"A minion would be nice, but imagine having to put up with someone like Peter following you around all day. Not my idea of fun, even in return for a mindless drone who would do our every bidding."

"Well I think we need to make sure he can't read the messages on their clothes either. I guess we need to give him the potion as well. We might also consider including the teachers if we can make a big enough batch." At the approving nod, Remus made a note.

"Next issue – timing. We need to get both of their class schedules and where they go between classes when they have a break. I will leave that to you, Lily."

"No problem."

"We'll need to do the prank on laundry day so that it will be easy to make all their extra clothes disappear. It's just too complex of a spell to repeat on every outfit. The house elves take the laundry right after breakfast and they don't return it until the end of that evening. I'll need to put all their clothes in the laundry so that the only things left will be pieces with the spells."

"Don't forget to include your own clothes in that. And Longbottom and Pettigrew as well. You know they'll try to borrow robes once they figure it out, especially if the two of them want meals. The professors are being really strict about the dress code for meals this year. Robes are required."

"Right, let me make another note." Remus carefully added to his growing set of comments for the prank. He scanned the parchment and grimaced. "The planning is getting really complicated. How do Black and Potter do this so often?"

Lily shrugged. "Speaking of _their_ pranks, what are we going to do about the ball? It didn't even occur to me until James asked me."

"What did you say to him?"

"No, of course. But what if someone else asks me? Someone I normally would say yes to?"

"Someone you might say yes to? _Other_ than Potter?" Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, well. Maybe someone like that one hunky seventh year you made fun of me for staring at yesterday."

"The Ravenclaw keeper? You think he would ask you to the dance?"

"I didn't say I thought he would ask, I was just using him as an example. Of course he wouldn't ask me." Despite the accepting nature of her words, Lily looked a bit put out that she wasn't expecting an invitation from the older heartthrob.

"If it makes you feel any better, I think he shops on my aisle rather than yours."

"All the good ones, I tell ya," Lily laughed. "So what if someone acceptable_ does_ ask me?"

Remus looked uncertain. "I suppose you could still say yes, knowing that the dance most likely won't actually happen…"

"I'm certainly not buying a new dress for a formal ball that will be ruined by those idiots. But if I don't end up getting an invitation, don't you think it will look strange? I mean, both of us decide not to go, and then the event gets pranked…"

Shrugging, Remus suggested, "Maybe we could say we are going together or something."

Lily wrinkled her nose. "I guess so."

"You sound so thrilled." Remus grinned.

"Don't mind me. I was just overwhelmed by the romantic nature of your proposal. It's all flowers and poetry with you, isn't it, Remus?"

"Lily, you know me so very well. So are we going together then, or not?"

"Sure. I would love to go with you to the formal dance that won't actually happen." She made a courtly bow from her chair. "I can hardly wait!"

"Oh, ha, ha."

"Before I forget! I had a good thought about spreading the word that day. I found out that my study partner for astronomy just got dumped by Black, and she is not very happy about it. Can't think why she was so upset about the whole thing, but there you are. It turns out that she is also the biggest gossip in Hufflepuff. I'll arrange a review session with her that morning and fill her in on what I 'overheard' about the prank. I am sure she would delight in spreading the word."

oooooooooooooooo

"I've got another brilliant idea, James," whispered Sirius to his best friend. "This time, Lupin will be sure to fall for me."

"Yeah?" James didn't seem as certain as Sirius.

"It'll be perfect! If you hide, hit him with a tripping jinx, and then I'm there to catch him, he'll be certain to see how great I am. I'll be just like a knight in shining armor."

"So, you're going to get him to fall _for_ you by making him fall _onto_ you?"

"Aren't I clever?"

"You're something, all right."

Sirius smiled to himself as he imagined the scene. _Remus, looking somehow both innocent and desirable, is walking along the hallway reading a book. Suddenly, danger strikes! He trips, finding himself falling through the air in near mortal peril. Sirius races to the rescue, gallantly catching the gracefully fainting boy. "Oh, Sirius. You are my hero," Remus says as he flutters his lashes in a very romance novel sort of a way. "I've been secretly pining for you for years. Now I can finally admit my eternal adoration of you, your ruggedly handsome, sexy body, and your brilliant pranks." Then, leaning towards each other, two sets of lips will come closer and closer until…_

"Sirius."

"What?" questioned Sirius, annoyed at the interruption.

"I asked when and where you are planning this prank."

"It isn't a prank, it is a vehicle for romance. And I was thinking in the Charms corridor right before lunch, Tuesday. He always walks that way after class, even though it takes longer. I think he likes the view of the lake."

James coughed, almost sounding like he was saying, "stalker."

As Sirius was beating his friend with a pillow, neither of them saw the figure across the common room shaking his head in exasperation and chuckling to himself. Though he should have been out of earshot, Remus had a few talents his roommates didn't know about.

"Remus, why are you so amused? I've never known Herbology to be funny," Lily looked suspiciously at her study partner.

He nodded across the room to the erupting pile of students and pillows. "I'll tell you later."

"It's certainly more interesting to study here in the common room, but it's so easy to get distracted. And speaking of me getting distracted, what quill are you using? That doesn't look like one of yours."

"Actually, it is Black's. A while back, I lent him one, and he returned a different one. This quill kind of leaks, actually." He sighed at the ink spots on his fingers.

"Why don't you ask for yours back?"

Remus mumbled something under his breath.

"What was that?"

"I said I was too embarrassed. He obviously didn't realize the one he returned wasn't the one I lent him."

"But you have his," Lily pointed out.

"He seems happy enough with mine," Remus responded. He then added, "of course, that's probably because it doesn't leak."

oooooooooooooooo

Tuesday arrived and lunchtime approached. James hid himself in an alcove behind a suit of armor while Sirius positioned himself perfectly for a rescue.

Sure enough, Remus rounded a corner, walking along sedately, reading. Everything was going just like Sirius had imagined. Though Remus was walking alone, there was another group of students slightly behind him. James gripped his wand, ready for action, while Sirius leaned against the nearby wall, trying to look nonchalant and innocent (usually a clue that he had something devious planned).

Just as Remus reached the designated target area, he slowed down and the other students started to catch up with him. Sirius looked significantly at James, urging him on with wildly wiggling eyebrows. James laughed silently at the strange expression, but managed to send off the spell anyhow.

Leaping into action, Sirius was ready to catch the one he was sure would be his future boyfriend. Instead, somehow, a very large Slytherin girl was tumbling towards him. Everything was going in slow motion: the huge girl, arms wheeling desperately for balance, and Sirius, trying in vain to get out of her way. She hit him full force, sending him crashing to the floor.

"Help," he cried from underneath the bulky young lady. "I've been crushed by a Slytherin!"

The girl scowled. "Scrawny little git," she muttered, elbowing him in the stomach as she levered herself up off him.

"Ooof."

Not bothering to try and hide his grin, Remus made his way over to Sirius, giving a wide berth to the annoyed Slytherin. "You okay?" he asked.

"Sure," Sirius replied from his position sprawled on the ground, eyes wide. This wasn't at all the way he had planned it. He was supposed to be rescuing his roommate, not lying confused on the floor of the corridor, looking like an idiot.

"Need some help?"

"Sure," he said again, wondering where all his vocabulary had gone.

Remus reached out, grasping Sirius' hand.

Sirius looked up at Remus, a bit dazed, and then at their clasped hands. _Oh great Merlin, Remus is touching me. I'm never washing this hand again._

He was suddenly hauled to his feet, wobbling a bit as he found himself standing closer than usual to his crush.

"Umm, you can let go now, Black," Remus said as he tried without success to pull his hand away.

"What?"

"My hand. You can release it now." Remus was looking at him a bit worriedly.

"Right," Sirius stated, trying not to blush as he finally let go.

"You might want to stop by the infirmary and get checked out; it seems like you might have bumped your head or something."

"Okay," Sirius replied, still staring at Remus with wide eyes.

Shaking his head, Remus opened his book again and resumed his trek down the hallway, leaving Sirius to stare blankly after him.

"Good job, mate." James was behind him, snickering. "Really smooth. You are such a well-spoken sweet-talker. It's a wonder he didn't swoon. Though it looked like you sure did."

"Shut it."

"The plan went off without a hitch! You shrieked and fainted like a girl, right into his arms, and he rescued you from certain death. Ahh, sweet romance."

Sirius muttered something about needing new friends who weren't complete wankers.

ooooooooooooooo

**Next Time:**

"_James, some day you'll make Evans a great wife."_


	11. A Prank Backfires

**The story thus far**: After being advised not to make close friends at school, Remus and his dorm mates get off to a rocky start. Remus makes a friend in Lily, and they present a united front when it comes to Sirius and James. Remus has decided that it is due time for some payback in the form of his own prank.

**Warnings:** Slash, eventual RLSB

**Disclaimers:** Don't own it.

**Notes:** Thanks to Slasharific for the beautiful imagery of James in oven mitts and an apron. Thanks to the betas! And thanks to everyone for being patient. Darn that real life for getting in the way of the all important fan fiction.

ooooooooooooooo

**The Worst Year Yet**

**By Rekahneko**

**Chapter 11 – Fifth Year – A Helping Hand or Two**

oooooooooooooooo

Carefully stirring a boiling hot potion, Sirius basked in the moment. He and his two best friends (well, his best friend and lackey anyhow) were surrounded by his very favorite thing in the world, prank materials. Cauldrons and vials of strange looking liquids littered the various surfaces in the large storage area they had long ago dubbed the 'Secret Potions Lab.' The smell was a bit off, but one couldn't expect everything to be perfect all the time. Though perhaps there was some sort of spell to clean the air. Sirius turned to ask his fellow pranksters and had to stop and gape.

"What in Merlin are you wearing, James?"

"Protective gear. I don't want to get damaged by the hot cauldron or the potion."

Sirius solemnly leaned towards his friend, speaking in a hushed, secretive voice. "I hate to tell you this, but you have on a lime green apron with ruffles. And oven mitts. Did I mention ruffles?"

"Hey, I learned these charms from my mum. What do you expect?"

Shaking his head, Sirius sighed theatrically. "James, some day you'll make Evans a great wife."

James just grinned and waved his flower printed oven mitts. "Whatever it takes!"

"Pass me some powdered unicorn horn, Sirius," asked Peter, interrupting the banter.

"How do you suppose they find and kill all those unicorns for the ingredient," Sirius wondered as he searched his belongings for the missing part of the potion.

"No one would ever kill something as pure as a unicorn," gasped Peter.

Sirius gave him a disgusted look. "And how do think they get powdered unicorn horn, then?"

"I'm sure only when one dies in an accident," Peter defended, staunchly.

"Yeah, like when, accidentally, a unicorn falls down a flight of stairs and lands on some crossbow bolts," Sirius scoffed.

James snickered from his end of the potions table while Peter scowled.

"Who wants to dice these?" James pointed and wrinkled his nose at the slimy flobberworm larva piled on the table.

Wiping an imaginary tear from his eye, Sirius sniffed. "It's just so beautiful. This prank has everything. Adventure, romance, flobberworms… All you could ask for, really."

"Sirius, you're so right. How could life be any better?" James posed dramatically, oven mitts clasped over his heart.

"The only thing remaining to make my life complete… would be for Peter to be the one who dices the worms." Sirius beamed while Peter tried to think of a way to get out of the messy job.

ooooooooooooooo

Meanwhile, in a study alcove across the castle, Remus and Lily were hard at work on their own prank.

"So what kinds of things, exactly, are we going to have written on the boys' robes?"

"Whatever we want, I guess, as long as it makes people laugh."

"Such as…"

"We could always stick with something classic. For instance, picture this on the back of their robes," Remus paused to spread his hands out theatrically. "_I saw the sign, Diagon Alley, Left, and I went home, disappointed._"

Lily chuckled at the well worn joke.

"It's pretty overused, but I figure if we just write down everything we come up with, we can always pare the list down later." He turned to Lily with a grin. "So what have you got?"

"I can probably come up with a few good ones, but some might be too muggle. Though you're correct; we can decide when we're ready to actually use them."

"Well, here is my list so far." After tapping it with his wand and saying the password, Remus handed a carefully written piece of paper over to Lily.

Scanning the parchment, Lily began to grin. "I like this one. _WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship_. Perfect for Sirius!"

Wrinkling his nose, Remus interjected, "Speaking of which, did you hear he got together with Romilda Edgecombe?"

"Does two days really count though?"

Remus shrugged. "I had a jumper once just like her."

"How so?"

"Looked nice, but it was scratchy and gave me a rash."

"Ouch!" Lily grinned.

Remus smiled angelically.

"I'm surprised at you. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were jealous."

"Hmph," replied Remus, not denying the claim. "No one's perfect."

"And she is certainly not an exception to that rule," he added under his breath as Lily continued reading the parchment.

"Too bad you are dead set against getting together with him."

Remus just sighed.

"You know," Lily said, finally handing the list back to Remus, "I think I may have a few for you to add."

Remus nodded and grabbed his quill, glad to be off the subject of Sirius and dating.

"What about this one? _If I were any more stupid, I'd have to be watered twice a week_."

Laughing, Remus found a spot on his parchment. "Let me just jot it down before I forget."

As he was writing, still chuckling, Lily added, "Can't you just see that on their backs during Herbology or something?"

Remus paused and thought a moment. "I bet we could get the timing to work out if we tried hard enough…"

ooooooooooooooo

Remus looked up when the common room door opened. Seeing Sirius and James enter, he quickly looked down at his shirt, picking at an imaginary piece of lint.

"Still trying to ignore him, hoping that he will stop all the obnoxiousness?" Lily was obviously trying to sound sympathetic but her amusement shone through.

Huffing slightly, Remus nodded shortly. His actions were met with a smile from his friend.

"So how is that tactic working for you?" she queried.

Remus grinned ruefully and shook his head. "Less and less effective every month it seems."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Listen, I need to run upstairs quickly and get more ink from my room. I'll meet you at the table by the fire and we can go through the charms homework, okay?"

Nodding his agreement, Remus hitched his bag over his shoulder and started to make his way over to the other side of the busy Gryffindor common room. After deftly avoiding a pack of giggling girls and stopping to help out a first year with a homework question, Remus finally saw a clear path to his destination. Until his way was blocked by one of his obnoxious roommates…

"Hey, Lupin. What do you think of the new Quidditch T-Shirts?"

Sirius and fellow team member James were sporting bright yellow shirts featuring an animated picture of a crimson garbed player getting on and off a broom. The figure had suspiciously messy black hair and wire framed glasses. Below, in bold script, was the phrase, "Gryffindor Quidditch: Put the fun between your legs."

Remus wasn't sure if he should laugh or groan. Sirius was smirking and puffing his chest out, enjoying the attention. Glancing back down at the shirt, Remus wondered why he ever thought ignoring Sirius Black and James Potter was even possible.

"Pretty great slogan, don't you think?"

Shaking his head, Remus walked around the two boys without a reply and joined his friend Lily by the fireplace. "Sometimes I wonder about those two," he complained.

"At least they seem to like obnoxious things written on their clothing," Lily responded with a glint in her eyes.

ooooooooooooooo

It was the evening of the Yule Ball, and three of the five boys from Gryffindor fifth year were sitting together at a small table in the Great Hall, along with Marlene McKinnon and Patricia Ackerly.

"Whoah! Look at that disaster!" Sirius nodded towards a nearby table of younger Hufflepuffs. One of the girls was wearing a bright yellow dress, complete with a hoop skirt and at least thirty oversize bows.

"I'd give it seven out of ten tsunamis," commented James.

"Nah, more like eight hurricanes and half an earthquake."

"You guys are so mean," exclaimed Marlene, who was trying to hide her smile with a reprimand.

"Well, you think of something nice to say about that one over there then," replied Sirius, pointed to his older Slytherin cousin, Bellatrix.

Marlene thought for a while, finally grinning and shaking her head. "It takes a lot of money to look that cheap?"

"Not bad, McKinnon," acknowledged Sirius with an approving nod.

"Hey, where is Evans?" James realized he hadn't seen her yet that evening.

The girl next to him, Patricia Ackerly, turned with a flirty smile. "She said she was off to the library with her date, and might be late."

Simultaneously, Sirius piped up, "With Lupin?" and James exclaimed, "During a feast?"

Patricia nodded and scoffed slightly. "She said it would be empty there and they needed to work on some project or other."

"If I wasn't so certain that she and Lupin were only friends, I would wonder what they were really up to in a deserted library on a Friday night," Sirius muttered to his best friend.

"It's so cute that you're always pining over her," Patricia continued, winking at James.

James turned a bit pink and stuffed a piece of potato in his mouth.

"Oh my Merlin!" Sirius shook his head in amazement. "You're blushing! The great, ultra-laid back, nothing ever bothers me, James Potter, is embarrassed! I never thought I'd see the day."

"Be quiet," he muttered. "Hey, is that dessert?"

Immediately, Sirius' head whipped around frantically.

James chuckled, adding, "Guess not. It'll probably be another five minutes."

"Berk."

"What's so special about dessert? Is it really good?" Patricia looked less interested in the dessert than in James.

"The best," responded Sirius with a mischievous grin.

Peter whispered to James, "Why are we waiting for dessert again?"

After checking to make certain no one was listening, James replied, "Dessert is served thirty minutes after the meal starts, and that is about how long the potion should take to go into effect."

"Are you sure our antidote will work?"

"It was more of a vaccination, actually. As for its effectiveness, how much do you know about unstable bases in charged magical fields?"

"Not much."

"Then yes, it will work."

Peter grimaced, not particularly comforted by his friend's assurances.

It was right then that a gasp was heard from the table next to them, followed by a loud shriek.

"Here we go," Sirius whispered, delighted.

The ripping of fabric accompanied the started yell as the girl's orange ruffled dress was torn in the back to accommodate an extra, slime-coated limb.

Lips pressed tightly together, Professor McGonagall began to make her way from the staff table toward where the student was making a racket. When she was only partway to her destination, another bellow came from the other side of the room, this time from a young man with an extra hand sprouting from his head.

In no time the room was filling with yelling and general chaos, panic enveloping all the students except for three young men, who for some strange reason, were laughing hysterically.

Over at the Slytherin table, one dark haired young man was desperately trying to calm a panicking blond. Slime was oozing out of the blonde's shoulder where extra toes had suddenly sprouted. From the shrieking, Sirius could only assume that the unsightly glop was entirely the wrong shade to go with the expensive and now ruined dress robes. As the toes developed into a full grown leg, Lucius turned to run out of the hall, accidentally kicking Severus in the face with his new limb.

"Snape is the gift that keeps on giving," Sirius remarked to his friends through his laughter.

Suddenly, the Head Boy, Evan Rosier, stormed up to their table. "Potter, Black, I'm going to murder you!" Peter scooted away from them on the bench, hoping that suddenly everyone would forget he was friends with the two pranksters.

The two girls at the table stopped yelling for a moment to stare in horror at their table mates. "This was _you_?" Marlene cried out, nearly tripping over her extra arm.

Patricia took only a moment before her surprised expression changed to one of anger. Sirius was left with a red handprint on the side of his face.

"That joke was clearly not for everyone," James muttered, his chuckles dying as more people noticed who was being pegged for the prank. For some reason, no one else seemed to think their brilliant plan was funny, and instead, the three roommates were being targeted with angry stares and exclamations.

The boys started edging away from the rest of the banquet, but as they backed away from the unhappy crowd, a hand descended on each of their shoulders. Spinning around, they were met with a freezing stare from a livid Professor McGonagall, backed up by Professor Slughorn. As she spoke, Sirius could swear her words were going to turn into ice.

"I can sum it up in just one word," she stated coldly, "Idiocy, thoughtlessness, stupidity."

"But Minnie, that's three words," Sirius interjected with a grin over Peter's attempt to shush him.

"One for each of you. I'm certain I will have even more words for you three, each and every night during the next few months when you visit me for detention."

Feeling slightly ill, Sirius looked around him, hoping for some respite. He encountered only angry stares and suddenly, all the extra slime coated limbs didn't seem as worth it as they had the day before.

oooooooooooooooo

_**Journal Entry, January, Fifth Year**_

_Wow, it has been weeks since I wrote in this journal. I suppose that means I have been so busy having an actual life, I had no time write about it. Amazing!_

_Christmas was wonderful. I invited Lily over for a few days of vacation and we had a lovely time. I think she likes having someone who understands both wizard and muggle life; it seems like all the other students in our year (at least in Gryffindor) are pureblood. _

_I got a bunch of great gifts. Lily gave me chocolates and a fancy new quill so I don't have to rely on the leaky one Sirius returned as my backup. My parents got me new clothes: some shirts, trousers and robes (oh, the excitement). My grandmother, the muggle one, got me slippers. Again. I have yet to wear any of the pairs but she always seems so delighted with her gift that I never have the heart say anything about it. Ah well. Aunt Clarine gave me a bright green jumper with a big red Santa hat knitted on it, complete with jingle bell attached. She mentioned how nice it would be to see me in it during the next family dinner. Thankfully, Snuffles promptly chewed through one of the sleeves and tore off the bell. And people wonder why I adore the little monster! He is the best pet ever, even though he really does deserve Lily's nickname of 'my furry little problem.'_

_Strangely, I got one gift by owl without a note attached. It was a small box with a charm in it in the shape of an R. R for Random maybe? Ha. I'm so amusing. I wonder who sent it. Lily thinks it was from Severus, feeling bad about what a complete prat he has been, but I'm not sure. Anyhow, I got a bit of black cord and have been wearing it around my neck. Lily and I checked it for spells first, of course, and it just has a weak sort of safety/healing charm. Whoever sent it really bought into Lily's cover idea of 'Remus as a walking disaster.' Granted, having a reputation as a sickly, accident prone kid covers up for quite a bit, but I have to admit being embarrassed about it sometimes._

_Lily and I have been busy planning our prank, and the roommates had been busy doing the same thing. Apparently, their Yule prank went exactly as planned (we were well out of the way and didn't get to see it happen). Now, obviously, everyone is terribly upset at the three of them. They are always so noticeable about their pranks that even when there is no actual proof they did something wrong, one look at their expressions and everyone knows who to blame. Sirius and James seemed so surprised that no one thought it was funny! Considering how smart they are, those two are pretty stupid sometimes._

ooooooooooooooo

"I heard a great one before class today," Lily said conversationally as she plopped her books down on the ground by her friend. They were in Care of Magical Creatures class, and the assignment was to sketch each of the animals inside the various paddocks.

Remus perked up from his drawing.

"_You may pretend to dislike me, but deep down, you know you hate me_." Lily grinned.

Tapping the paper with his wand, he murmured, "Sirius and James are prats," and the parchment sprang to life, filling with text.

As Remus scratched out the newest addition to their list, Lily watched the boys from across the paddock. Sirius turned to the girl next to him and spoke. Even from a distance, it was obvious that the girl's response was harsh. She proceeded to turn her back and flounce off without a backwards glance.

"Perfect! This kind of reaction will help us with our own prank so much!"

Remus smiled at the idea of their prank going well, but the smile slipped off his face as he noticed the reaction of his roommate to the behavior of the girl. Glancing guiltily over at Sirius' drooping shoulders and downcast face, Remus tried not to feel badly about reveling in the prankster's disgrace.

"Remus," Lily warned. "Don't even."

"What?"

"I saw how you were looking. You were sympathizing!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," he muttered, scuffing his shoe against the ground and trying not to think of sad grey eyes.

"You were feeling badly for him. We aren't backing out, so don't even consider it."

"He just looks so miserable. Maybe we could wait a bit."

"Listen, he'll be over it by tomorrow."

Remus wasn't so sure, but he sighed and refocused on his sketch of the strange creature in front of them.

On the other side of the enclosure, James elbowed Sirius. "Lupin was looking over here. I think he feels sorry for you or something."

"Really?" Sirius brightened immediately. "I can work with that."

When Lily stood up from her place beside Remus to go investigate the next animal they needed to study, Sirius walked over and plopped himself down right where she had been sitting.

"Hey, Lupin?"

Remus' quill stopped moving across his paper and startled amber eyes fastened themselves to the pleading grey ones.

"Can you look over my work? No one else will help me." Sirius tried his best to look forlorn.

"All right." Purposely ignoring the sudden delighted smile on his roommate's face, Remus carefully checked the sheet for errors and missing information. Finding none, he looked up to find Sirius staring at him, a bit too close for comfort.

Clearing his throat, Remus said, "It looks good," and returned the paper.

"Can you go to Hogsmeade with me? No one else will go with me…" Sirius attempted to use the same sad, pathetic look that had gotten him this far.

Remus crossed his arms over his chest and frowned, not saying a word.

"Is that a yes," Sirius asked, hopefully.

Though he tried hard, Remus couldn't help it when the corner of his mouth quirked upward. "It's a no, Black." His stern voice was ruined by his slightly amused expression.

"But I can't go by myself… How about if I just meet you there? Then we aren't really going together, right?"

Remus raised an eyebrow, wondering if Sirius really thought the suggestion would change his mind.

"Okay then. What about if I were there at Hogsmeade, just hanging around, and I happened to run into you, and we were both headed in the same direction. How about that?"

Confused, he replied, "What do you mean, 'how about that?' You aren't making any sense."

"I'm just saying that if I'm there, and I happen to see you there, well then, we're both there. In Hogsmeade. Together. Right?"

Completely baffled, Remus opened his mouth to protest, then shook his head, closing his mouth again. "I'm just going to go over to the other pen and start the next sketch before class ends." Grabbing his bag, he got up and walked quickly over to where Lily was peering over a fence, trying to balance a piece of paper on top of a book.

After Remus made his escape, Sirius bolted over to where James was sitting and threw himself down on the ground.

"Remus almost sort of possibly said maybe," Sirius exclaimed.

James laughed. "Feel better, then?"

"Loads." Sirius smiled.

On the other side of the paddock, Lily elbowed Remus and nodded her head towards the two grinning boys across the way. "Told you he would get over it quickly," she whispered.

Remus worked hard to be exasperated rather than amused at the sudden change in temperament. "Fine, no waiting on the prank."

ooooooooooooooo

**Next Time: **

_It was a bad day. Like many bad days, it started with a morning..._


	12. Prank Time

**The story thus far**: After being advised not to make close friends at school, Remus and his dorm mates get off to a rocky start. Remus makes a friend in Lily, and they present a united front when it comes to Sirius and James. Remus has decided that it is due time for some payback in the form of his own prank.

**Warnings:** Slash, eventual RLSB

**Disclaimers:** Don't own it.

**Notes:** You missed me, didn't you? I missed me, too. Thanks to Rry, Werewolfsfan, and Oony!

ooooooooooooooo

**The Worst Year Yet**

**By Rekahneko**

**Chapter 12 – Fifth Year – Prank Time**

oooooooooooooooo

The day of the prank had arrived and Remus was so nervous he didn't get much sleep at all. Thankfully he had planned ahead and taken a nice restful nap while the prank victims were out the day before. Remus' inability to sleep actually worked out well as he was able to verify that his victims were up very late. By "accidentally" waking them up with a loud door slam in the middle of the night, he hopefully disrupted their sleep even more. The boys needed to be very lethargic in the morning. As usual, his three difficult roommates had stayed up late on Tuesday night since they didn't have an early morning class the following day, and Remus was relieved to see things were progressing according to plan.

When his almost silent alarm sounded at 5 AM, Remus was so wound up, he nearly leapt from his bed. In his haste to turn off the alarm, his feet got tangled in the sheets and he fell out of bed and onto the floor, the alarm clattering onto the floor after him. His heart beat wildly as he strained his hearing to see if the sounds of his clumsy wake up call had been noticed.

_Settle down_, he told himself, listening to the uninterrupted sounds of muffled breathing and snores around him. Remus slowly unwound himself from the sheets and blankets, wincing at the new bruise on his hip and trying his best to be silent. As he tugged at the twisted bedding, his wand spun out from its normal place under his pillow and dropped onto the floor somewhere, rolling away into the gloom. He couldn't see much in the darkness and the underside of his bed was completely pitch black.

Inside his head, Remus was using curse words he never would have dared voice. He felt around in the shadows underneath his bed for the wand, searching for anything that felt like a long wooden stick. Instead, he found what was obviously his missing Astronomy textbook, what might have been a Chocolate Frog wrapper, and something soft and squashy that he hoped he would never see in the light of day.

_Don't Panic. Maybe it rolled the other way._ Remus turned to look over at the neighboring bed, Pettigrew's, thanking Merlin that the boy was the heaviest sleeper of all his roommates. He crawled toward it and tentatively felt underneath, trying not to think of the possible things living in the darkness. Perhaps if he just pushed aside the empty Dungbomb box, he would be able to search behind Peter's trunk.

_Bad idea!_ The back of his hand hit a bottle, tipping it onto the floor, and then another one and finally a third joined the first. The glass containers clinked as they hit each other and rolled around, making enough noise to wake a hippogriff. Remus froze and listened for the sounds of someone waking. Thankfully he didn't room with hippogriffs. He grimaced as his hand encountered a sticky wet substance. Who kept half-full bottles of butterbeer under their bed? Maybe they were there to provide food for the dust bunnies that seemed to have attacked him. Remus was glad he hadn't changed into his school clothes yet since he was bound to be filthy after this experience.

_Just be calm._ He was certain that any time now Sirius would wake up and ask him why he was sneaking around so early in the morning. Finally his questing hand found the comforting wood grain of his wand and Remus couldn't help a long sigh of relief.

Much more confident with his wand at his side, the werewolf silently slipped to his trunk, finding his plans for the day. "Sirius and James are prats," he whispered, tapping the paper with his wand and watching it fill with words. Remus checked the parchment one last time before beginning work on his meticulously crafted schedule.

His first order of business was to cast a minor sleeping spell on each boy sharing the dorm room. It wouldn't keep them asleep if something dramatic happened, but it was good enough to cover up his sneaking around. The next item on the list was to carefully place all extra articles of clothing into the dirty clothes hamper where they instantly disappeared, not to return until the end of the day. Finally, he methodically cast the complex spell he and Lily had developed on each item of clothing that was left. Dropping the prank notes into his trunk, he cast his newest locking spell to secure his belongings and left the room.

As he quietly closed the door and made his way down the stairs, Remus couldn't help a grin from twitching at the edges of his mouth. He might be tired, but he was already anticipating the rest of the day. The hard part was over! He hoped.

"Lily? Are you there?" Remus whispered into the darkness.

"Over here," came a quiet voice from the shadowed end of the common room.

"Well, it's done. Hopefully everything is ready to go. I'm a wreck! I have no idea how those two manage to do this so often. I could never handle this kind of stress regularly."

Lily chuckled. "Well, they probably haven't the brains to worry about getting into trouble and they certainly don't have the imagination to think of all the ways things might go wrong."

"I'm not sure. Their imagination is pretty good. It's their planning and delivery that could use some work."

"So it's done then?"

Nodding in the dark, Remus let out a long breath. "Everything is set. Their clothing will spell out humorous sayings and Sirius, James and Peter will all be unable to read it. Now we just have to see how long we can keep them unaware. I'm hoping they get through at least one class before someone tells them what is going on."

"I bet they won't find out until lunch." Lily grinned devilishly. "Come on, let's go over the details while we wait for breakfast to start."

"Sure thing. I think I need to wash up very thoroughly first though," Remus replied, trying not to look at his sticky, dirty hands too closely.

oooooooooooooo

It was the tail end of breakfast and Remus was finishing off the last bit of his tea when three of his roommates finally stumbled into the Great Hall. Their bleary-eyed looks spoke of very little sleep and suggested the boys might not be at their most alert. Remus smiled across the table at his best friend who grinned back and, picking up her bag, made her way over to her Herbology study partner.

The recent arrivals sat in their usual spot at the end of the table, as far from the teachers as possible. They didn't notice the buzz of conversation they caused at their entrance. Remus thought their disinterest might be a leftover result of their poorly conceived prank earlier that month. The three had become rather accustomed to being a topic of discussion as of late.

Glancing over at the Hufflepuff table, Remus was pleased to note that Lily's friend from Herbology was quickly spreading the news about the prank, and he was hopeful that no one would take it upon themselves to let the boys in on the plan.

Remus thought that if he and Lily could somehow keep the boys from finding out before they finished breakfast and went back to bed, the prank had a good chance of success.

Sure enough, by the time his three roommates were almost finished stuffing their faces with sausage and eggs, word of the prank had spread to Remus' part of the Gryffindor table but no one had gone to talk to the notorious pranksters about the messages on their robes.

"Lupin, did you hear about the prank on Black and Potter," asked Frank Longbottom, the seldom-seen prefect of the fifth year Gryffindor boys. "I heard from my cousin their robes say, _Will prank for food_." He chuckled.

"I heard it was, _I am so stupid, when someone told me to catch the Knight Bus, I ran after it with a net_," added a younger boy sitting farther down the table.

"Sounds like a prank from the older Gryffindor boys," Remus replied sensibly. "Doesn't look like Black and Potter know what is on their robes yet."

"I'm not going to tell them," supplied Alice another fifth year Gryffindor, including herself in the conversation. "They were awful with that Yule prank. I spent my entire allowance on those dress robes!"

Frank put a comforting arm around Alice, and Remus thought he might know why Frank decided to sit at the Gryffindor table instead of with his Hufflepuff cousins as he usually did.

Remus says, "It's obviously a Gryffindor, angry about the pranking of their own house. Gryffindors should stick together, don't you think?" The younger boy down the table nodded his agreement.

"Absolutely," agreed Frank, tightening the arm around his Gryffindor girlfriend.

"You're so sweet and loyal," murmured Alice, gazing adoringly at Frank. The boy down the table made a gagging motion and turned back to the boys from his own year, speaking quietly and gesturing to the end of the table where Sirius, James, and Peter were sitting.

Remus smiled to himself and finished off his tea.

Meanwhile, Lily had finished speaking with her Hufflepuff study partner. She paused as she was walking past the Ravenclaw table and listened in to a group of girls discussing the prank. She hadn't quite expected news to travel so fast, but she supposed she shouldn't be so surprised. When Potter and Black were involved, strange things happened.

"Apparently their robes are spelled to say something embarrassing and they don't even know," one of the Ravenclaw girls was saying.

Lily lowered her voice and leaned in to the group. "I heard about the prank from an upperclassman. Probably one of the seventh years finally decided to get back at the two. After they disrupted the ball and everything… Imagine having your very last dance at Hogwarts be completely ruined!"

The young ladies around her made sympathetic noises, thinking terrible thoughts about boys who would ruin the most romantic and significant evening in a school girl's life.

"You don't think anyone will tell them and wreck the whole thing, do you?" Lily asked innocently.

"I hope not! Maybe if we spread the word to the other students, Black and Potter will spend the whole day looking like idiots. It's the least I can do to pay them back." The venomous voice made Lily wince. It was a wonder the boys had survived this long. She reminded herself never to make Bertha Parkinson angry. That whole family was a bit unstable.

oooooooooooooooo

It was a bad day. Like many bad days, it started with a morning. Sirius hadn't gotten as much beauty sleep as he wished, not that he needed it of course. He flipped his hair out of his eyes and winked at a passing girl. She giggled, whispering something to her friend and Sirius smiled to himself, pleased that he was still capable of garnering the interest of some pretty girls. It seemed as if he was forgiven him for the Yule prank and the school was back to lavishing attention on him, as usual. It was too bad today was the day when, for whatever reason, most of his clothes had been put in the laundry and he ended up wearing one of his least favorite robes. Dratted house-elves. Probably the fault of one who was related to the Black family elf, Kreature.

"Hurry up and stop thinking about your hair, Sirius. We were late for Herbology last week and Sprout might still be annoyed."

Peter looked tired and grumpy and so Sirius ignored him, turning to James and asking, "Why is it that I'm always more worn-out on the day we don't have a class first thing?"

"Life is a mystery," James replied dryly between yawns. "Maybe it's because we always stay up so late the night before. Nah, that couldn't be it."

Sirius agreed, waving his hand dismissively, "Much too logical a reason."

Down a different hallway, another group of students were also on their way to class.

"I heard the Hufflepuffs were still feeling very hurt by the Yule prank," Remus said conversationally to his Runes classmate as they walked down the hall.

"It seems like a lot of hard work went into the prank. I suppose that is a Hufflepuff for you. Certainly I want to encourage that sort of determination and work ethic," the boy with the Ravenclaw patch replied.

"I think I'm not going to tell them what is going on," Remus confided.

"It is good to be supportive of these kinds of efforts," agreed the other boy pompously. "I'm sure a Ravenclaw won't be the one to tell them. See you later, Lupin."

Remus turned down the long hallway leading to the greenhouses. This would be the first class of the day for the rest of the fifth year Gryffindor boys, none of whom had chosen to take Ancient Runes. It would be interesting to see how the prank would fare with so many students around. He hoped no one would tell the Sirius and James for a while yet, maybe even the whole class period.

"Remus," exclaimed Kirley Duke, his excitable Herbology partner, jumping up and down a bit. "Did you hear about the prank on Black and Potter? Something about funny stuff on their robes!"

Nodding gravely, Remus answered. "The Ravenclaws told me not to explain anything to the two of them. You know, after the Yule Feast and all…"

"Of course not! Good idea! Gotta help the 'Claws, right? Wait until I tell the others!" Kirley bounced over to his own housemates to share the information. Remus grinned at the enthusiasm. Hufflepuffs were loyal to the hilt.

Sirius and James entered the greenhouse, chatting with each other, Peter trailing them, all three paying no attention to anyone else. There were about five minutes before class started and usually everyone chatted after they got their supplies settled at the worktables. Specifically, Sirius usually flirted with a random student or two while James tried to talk to Lily.

This time, the entire room went quiet when the three entered and then the whispers started. Sirius and James looked confused for a moment and then brushed it off. People had been acting strangely since their last prank so the behavior wasn't as surprising as it might have been. When Sirius tried to chat up a girl, she did nothing but giggle though that also wasn't particularly unusual. Lily just tried to hold in her laughter and stood in a way that, when James was trying to talk to her, his back was facing the rest of the class who all got a wonderful view.

The class stared in fascination at the message on the back of James' robes. _Anyone who told me to be myself couldn't have given me worse advice_, it read. There was snickering but he didn't pay attention to anything but Lily. It wasn't every day she would actually stand around and talk to him, after all.

In the meantime, Sirius' robes were providing amusement by announcing, _School – It's not just for sleeping anymore. _It certainly seemed like something he would be all for if one was judging by the occasional yawns.

"Okay class, it's time to start. Everyone pass your assignments to the front please and we can begin." Professor Sprout smiled kindly at the students, motioning a few toward their seats.

As James bent over the mess in his school bag and tried in vain to find his, the words on the back of his robes changed. "_As organized as a soup sandwich_."

Lily's eyes widened and she looked at Remus, trying not to giggle.

He whispered, "I didn't even plan the timing on that!"

Professor Sprout called for attention again, and sorted the students into small groups to work on the latest project. She didn't seem to be disturbed by the lack of attention her class was giving her, but Remus supposed she never did expect strict adherence to the rules.

The Hufflepuffs on the far side of the room snickered as a new message appeared on the two pranksters' backs. The Gryffindors in the class just tried to look innocent and pretend nothing was wrong when faced with the prank victims' confused expressions. Remus worked on holding in a grin but it was difficult. Meanwhile, the boys in question just looked around them, trying to figure out what was so funny.

This day was turning out even better than he had imagined!

_99 percent of Gryffindors give the rest a bad name_ was the slogan decorating Sirius' back.

"What's that one about?" Lily looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"To divert suspicion," Remus replied in a whisper.

She shook her head and smiled. "Today is going to be the best, ever. I wonder if I can borrow a camera. Thankfully I have been practicing my evil laugh."

ooooooooooooooo

**Next Time:**

"_Are you stalking me? Because that would be brilliant." _


	13. More Fun With Puns

**The story thus far:**

After being advised not to make close friends at school, Remus and his dorm mates get off to a rocky start. Remus makes a friend in Lily, and they present a united front when it comes to Sirius and James. The two have decided that it is due time for some payback in the form of their own prank.

**Warnings:  
**Slash, eventual RLSB  
**  
Disclaimers:  
**Don't own it. Now I own my own couch though...  
**  
Notes:  
**Yeah, so I am a little slow on the updates. A few years late but really, what is a few years between friends? Thankfully I had a little voice in my head saying, "update!" The voice's name is Malo919 and she edited and emailed until I posted. Many thanks!

ooooooooooooooo  
**  
The Worst Year Yet**

By Rekahneko

Chapter 13 – Fifth Year – More Fun with Puns

ooooooooooooooo

Lunchtime on Prank Day had arrived and Remus was worried. His roommates hadn't yet discovered that they were being pranked and he just knew they would find out soon. He worried they would realize that Remus was the one who had finally decided to return the favor and prank them back. Looking down at the bread and soup in front of him, he decided he wasn't hungry after all. He wondered if the professors would be disappointed in him for disrupting classes with such a childish stunt. When he looked up, his gaze caught that of his Arithmancy professor who smiled benignly across the room.

"Lily, what if everyone finds out it was us," Remus whispered.

She just rolled her eyes and continued to eat.

Remus chewed his lip as he looked around the Great Hall, trying not to look at the staff table. "I can't believe no one has told them yet. This is so much longer than I ever expected. I hope the potion and spells hold out for the full day."

"You worry too much. Just sit back and enjoy." Lily was smiling widely at all the chaos.

The Marauders walked in, uncaring of the whispers around them. As they meandered toward their usual spot at the end of the Gryffindor table farthest from the teachers, the three boys tried to ignore all the attention they were getting. As they turned around to settle in, the students around them leaned in to read the newest messages printed on the backs of the robes.

_The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes _graced the back of James' robes. Remus grinned. Suddenly, it was all okay again.

"What?" huffed Peter, turning to a student at the Hufflepuff table who had been laughing and pointing.

"Nothing. Hey, Potter. Catch!" He threw an apple at James. When the quidditch player caught the fruit handily, instead of being impressed, there was laughter from much of the Hufflepuff table.

By the end of lunch, Siruis, James, and Peter knew for certain there was something strange going on. A prank was being played on them but they weren't sure exactly what it is.

James leaned in towards his two best friends. "Who do we ask about this? The Hufflepuffs have been awfully unforgiving recently…"

"Let's try Frank and Remus. And maybe a few of Padfoot's nicer ex-girlfriends. Peter, what about that kid who lives next to your second cousin? Someone is bound to helps us out."

Unfortunately for the Marauders, Lily had already gotten to Frank's girlfriend, Alice, and the Hufflepuff girl told him in no uncertain terms that he had better not help his Gryffindor roommates.

Sirius picked up his bag and headed down the table. "Frank!" he said jovially, arms wide in greeting.

"Sorry mate, can't help you," Frank replied, wincing slightly as Alice looked pointedly at him. He smiled in sympathy at the two and went back to talking to his cousin and his girlfriend.

"Foiled by Hufflepuffs, again," muttered Sirius.

"It's always the ones who seem so sweet… Speaking of which," added Peter as he motioned farther down the table to a group of girls.

"Sweetheart," Sirius called out hopefully to one of his ex-girlfriends.

"Don't you dare sweetheart me, Black. I spent my entire allowance on that dress."

Sirius frowned and turned to James. "People are still upset at up about that whole Yule prank. Strange."

"For every action, there is a complete and total overreaction," James replied, rolling his eyes.

Just then, another saying came onto Sirius' back. "I'm not conceited, I'm just better than everyone else." No one could hold in their laughter, especially the ex-girlfriend. Sirius scowled.

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself," laughed James.

"Hey, self pity is the only pity I'm likely to get! And where did Lupin disappear to? He was here just a bit ago."

After his clever escape from the Great Hall, Remus spent the day avoiding his roommates and trying to stay under the radar. At the same time he helped Lily spread rumors about overheard conversations and reminded everyone about the history of pranks his two roommates had. Lily was much more effective when it came to that sort of thing but she had given him pointers and he was fairly sure he was doing everything well.

Lily was having the time of her life. She and a few of Sirius Black's more bitter ex-girlfriends had taken it upon themselves to follow the two boys around, laughing at all the jokes and making it very apparent that something was going on. Meanwhile, they were on hand each time one of the two boys tried to get someone new to explain things to them and they did their best to foil each attempt.

"Are you stalking me? Because that would be brilliant." James grinned unrepentantly at the redheaded girl.

Lily sniffed, replying, "In your dreams, Potter."

"Every night and sometimes during History class," he agreed with a chuckle.

James didn't seem as bothered by the prank as Lily had thought or perhaps hoped he would be. In fact, James seemed to be almost as amused as he was curious. Sirius, on the other hand, wasn't faring so well.

"What?" Sirius had turned around and was glaring at some older students who had been laughing at the latest writing on his back.

"Nothing, Black. Do you have some sort of attitude problem or something?" Everyone around started laughing loudly and Sirius looked even more annoyed. He couldn't see that the back of his robes sported the phrase, _I don't have an attitude problem, it's supposed to be this way._

"This is the worst thing to happen to someone in the history of things happening to someone," Sirius muttered to Peter, who was busy trying to weigh the relative merits of abandoning his friends to hide in the greenhouse for the rest of the day.

ooooooooooooooo

Because of their troublemaking history, the three Gryffindor boys were required to sit in the front of the Charms classroom. Today this worked out particularly well because that meant everyone could see their backs. Every five minutes, the class started snickering. After several years of practice teaching the Marauders, Professor Daymeker knew for sure that the boys were up to their usual tricks. They had to repeat several times that they had nothing to do with it, but, of course, they were not believed.

After, _I wondered why the bludger was getting bigger. Then it hit me_ appeared on one robe while _People don't talk about me behind my back… that I am aware of_ sprang to life on the other robe, the resulting laughter caused the professor to dismiss class early.

"I swear these little monsters are going to push me into an early retirement," she said under her breath. If any of the students heard her mumbling, they ignored it favor of running out of the classroom for an extra five minutes of free time.

The next class didn't go any better for the unfortunate Gryffindors. Usually, the fact that the Potions professor looked the other way during pranks worked in their favor. Not today. The Gryffindors and Slytherins were a notoriously difficult grouping but for once they were on the same page. Though there fewer guffaws and more smirks on the green side of the room, all of it was directed at James and Sirius.

As Remus waited for a turn to gather erumpment toenails for his potion, he whispered, "Severus, this is the best revenge you and the Slytherins have ever could have done."

Snape looked at him, considering the words suspiciously. Remus smiled as innocently as he could manage. He decided he didn't care if Lupin knew more than he was saying about the prank because either way, he could take credit. A slow smile spread across his face before he promptly got all the Slytherins in the room firmly behind the prank.

"The End Times are upon us! Drought, famine, and Snape smiling…" Sirius muttered dejectedly, catching a glance from Remus to Snape.

Remus almost felt bad when, because of the distraction of constant giggling from the other students, both James and Sirius nearly blew up their cauldrons. He had to remind himself how many times they had thrown a dungbomb into his potion or done something equally obnoxious, ruining his own results. Remus felt better after reminding himself about a particular time when he had been completely covered in sticky green goo from a cauldron explosion. It not only ruined his robe, but also turned his hair a strange shade of puce for nearly a week. He wondered for a moment what Sirius would look like with green hair but decided he had better focus on his own potion before he spoiled it. Though he managed a good potion, many did not, caused by laughing too hard at the procession of signs on the backs:

_Warning: lewdly inclined. Enter at your own risk._

_There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of hexes and curses._

_When I open my mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there._

ooooooooooooooo

The Slytherins had been spreading the word that they would be very unhappy at the person who explained things to Black and Potter. This went a long way to helping keep the boys in the dark about the prank. Remus had figured that the trick would be over by lunchtime (though of course he had planned for all day, just in case) but it was nearing the end of the academic school day and still no one had told. It was amazing that things were turning out even better than he had expected.

Sirius was not feeling quite so amazed. Asking Frank _again_ didn't help it either.

"Listen, Black. You brought this on yourself."

"I know I did, but that's no reason for me to suffer!"

"Surely you love pranks."

"Not this prank and don't call me Shirley."

Both Sirius and James were starting to let the pressure of the day get to them. Even the notoriously laid-back Potter was getting jumpy trying to figure out what was going on. They looked at any surface that had a reflection and stopped in between classes to check the mirror in the bathroom. The boys asked everyone they knew about what was going on and so far, had not gotten a satisfactory answer. Peter was completely confused while the other two were becoming anxious and were jumping at their own shadows.

It was hilarious to watch.

So, because everything was going perfectly, Remus had to worry about it.

'He deserves this,' he thought to himself, though his inner voice didn't sound particularly convinced. 'Just think of all those times he and Potter did something even worse to you. Though really, it isn't very nice of you to ruin their day.' He sighed. 'But their actions did warrant this sort of response. Even taking into account the fact that they are already having a terrible week with everyone so upset at them. Which is too bad, really. They did bring it on themselves though. But Sirius has been looking a bit upset… And of course you're worrying about _Sirius_ when _Lily_ is likely to die of laughter. After your best friend dies, the Of teachers will investigate find out this is your fault, and you will get kicked out of school and live in a box for the rest of your life. I hope you're happy.' Remus paused to consider his train of thought. 'Wow, my inner voice needs to calm down."

"Hey, Lupin."

Remus turned around, surprised at being pulled out of his inner monologue.

"Can you tell me what's going on?" Sirius looked at him with large, beguiling, grey eyes while Remus looked around for an escape route. They were practically alone in the hallway. Remus idly wondered how Sirius had managed to lose Lily and the other girls who had been following him all day, then reminded himself they were probably still laughing themselves to tears.

"Err…" Saying no was a bit more difficult than he would have thought. Usually Remus was quite good at the whole silent stare thing, but usually, he wasn't so busy feeling guilty.

"Please? This is killing me!" Sirius sniffled and took a step closer. If not for the amused glint in his eye, anyone might have been completely convinced he was on the verge of tears.

Remus bit his lip and looked around for a distraction or an escape.

Sirius changed tactics. With a sudden bright grin, he lowered his voice conspiratorially and said, "I promise I won't tell anyone it was you who told. The person who planned this will never find out."

Choking on a nervous laugh, Remus could only reply with a negative shake of his head.

"Please," Sirius repeated, sensing that Remus was starting to break. He used the same tone that had worked so well a few days before when Remus had helped him earlier that week in Care of Magical Creatures class. "Please?" he tried one more time.

"Umm, see, the thing is…" Suddenly a hand covered his mouth. Behind Remus, a confident voice asserted, "He's busy right now. Stop harassing him, Black."

"Come on," the boy in question whined, turning to the red headed girl with her hand still firmly planted over her friend's mouth.

"Nope."

"Just a hint?" Sirius shouted as Lily dragged Remus away.

"Any other day I would say no, but today I'll just go ahead and say no."

As they rounded the corner, Lily finally removed her hand from Remus' mouth. She frowned sternly at him. "Remus Jonathan Lupin, what did I tell you about talking to him today and not letting him make you feel sorry for him?"

"I know," Remus replied sheepishly, scuffing his toe on the ground. "You sound like my mum." he added, grinning.

Remus peeked back around the corner to see if his roommate had left. On the retreating Gryffindor's back was, _I just moved you to the top of my 'To Do List.' _

With a smile and a shrug, he turned to catch up with his best friend. What a day!

ooooooooooooooo

**Next Time:**_  
"Whoever pranked us today was brilliantly clever. When we find out who it was, we should make friends with them and plan pranks together. Imagine the things we could do. The terrible, terrible things!"_


End file.
